10th (Final ?) Draft, Any advice apprecitated
Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2012 10:01 am
Any advice/criticsm to make this better is welcome. I've stripped and rewritten this thing over and over again. Im still a little concearned about the conclusion. Any Suggestions?
I am a Marine Officer, and I intend to remain one as long as the Marine Corps will have me. However, I never would have imagined that I would actually end up here. After all, obese young men don’t become Marine Officers.
In 2005, I was a 21 year old junior at the University of North Texas studying for a career in the film industry. The combination of long hours studying, working in a darkroom or editing lab, tendencies to stress eat, and a lack of exercise quickly took their toll. I gained 150 pounds in my first two years at school, negatively impacting my confidence and causing to be very insecure. I made several half-hearted attempts at weight loss, which I quickly abandoned when they became difficult or inconvenient. However, it was not until a yearly physical revealed warning signs of diabetes and hypertension, conditions I have seen family members struggle with, that I finally realized that I had to stop my self-destructive habits. The prospect of a shortened life tethered to syringes and pills frightened me to my core.
Concurrently, I began to doubt the suitability of the path I had chosen for my life. Having grown up in a family where all but one male in three paternal generations has served in the military, I had been regaled with stories of military life and values since birth. Lessons learned in the service trickled down; and hard work, honesty, sacrifice, and service to others above personal gain became the measure of right and proper conduct in my mind. Despite living in a world that provided constant reminders of those lessons resonating in news stories from the streets of Iraq or the deserts and mountains passes of Afghanistan, I had been ensnared by the prospect of making a lot of money in the film industry, ultimately losing sight of those values. Although monetary security would be nice; I discovered that the feeling of positively affecting the world, and leading others who shared those values, is what I truly desired. Thus, coupled with the fact that in the military I would be responsible to my comrades for remaining physically fit, I decided to seek a new direction for my life at a recruiting office.
In my first meeting with the Officer Selection Officer (OSO) he literally laughed in my longhaired, rotund, film student face. “Son, you’re in the wrong place. You will never be a Marine Officer.”, he quipped as I sat my 6 foot 2, 350-pound frame uncomfortably in his office. I had chosen the Marines because they were everything I wanted to be, but was not. They were confident, physically hard, mentally tough, and completely disciplined. Most importantly they, as President Regan once said, did not have to wonder if they had made a difference in the world. The OSO’s statement confirmed that I was exactly where I needed to be. Some might consider his statements to be inconsiderate and crass; however in the war fighting business there is no room for procedural niceties when it comes to those who might be responsible for the lives of others. Despite his efforts to the contrary, he had me hooked. I decided right then and there that I would do whatever it took earn a place amongst them. I would pay any price; suffer any inconvenience, in order to achieve my new goal.
I changed my diet and started an intense exercise regimen; little did I know that would prove to be a catalyst for a more substantial transformation. Meticulous attention to detail, discipline, and unwavering determination were developed and etched into my being by every french fry forgone; every bead of sweat shed; and every aching muscle endured. I learned what it meant to set goals, to be disciplined in their pursuit, and to see them through to fruition. Two years later, I had lost 165 pounds. It was, at the time, the hardest thing I had ever done. The lessons I learned laid the foundations for success. I applied to and was selected for Officer Candidate School. The same man, who dismissed me 24 months earlier, shook my hand as I signed my contract. He couldn’t believe it.
Six years later, I am a completely different person than that man who initially sat in the OSO’s office. I am in great physical condition, no longer constructing a personal gallows with pizza boxes and soda cans. I have been reared in the unforgiving school of a Marine Corps that has been at war for eleven years. I have prepared Marines for, led them in, and seen them safely home from combat situations in Afghanistan. As a result, I possess a confidence that is difficult to explain to those who have not shared in that burden. Gone forever is that overweight, insecure individual, and in his place is a self- disciplined, determined, and capable leader. I have set a new goal, once again redirecting the course of my life. I believe the study law will allow me further opportunities to serve others, improve this nation, and develop my leadership skills; for my reaming time in the Marine Corps and following my departure from its ranks. I will do whatever it takes to achieve it.
I am a Marine Officer, and I intend to remain one as long as the Marine Corps will have me. However, I never would have imagined that I would actually end up here. After all, obese young men don’t become Marine Officers.
In 2005, I was a 21 year old junior at the University of North Texas studying for a career in the film industry. The combination of long hours studying, working in a darkroom or editing lab, tendencies to stress eat, and a lack of exercise quickly took their toll. I gained 150 pounds in my first two years at school, negatively impacting my confidence and causing to be very insecure. I made several half-hearted attempts at weight loss, which I quickly abandoned when they became difficult or inconvenient. However, it was not until a yearly physical revealed warning signs of diabetes and hypertension, conditions I have seen family members struggle with, that I finally realized that I had to stop my self-destructive habits. The prospect of a shortened life tethered to syringes and pills frightened me to my core.
Concurrently, I began to doubt the suitability of the path I had chosen for my life. Having grown up in a family where all but one male in three paternal generations has served in the military, I had been regaled with stories of military life and values since birth. Lessons learned in the service trickled down; and hard work, honesty, sacrifice, and service to others above personal gain became the measure of right and proper conduct in my mind. Despite living in a world that provided constant reminders of those lessons resonating in news stories from the streets of Iraq or the deserts and mountains passes of Afghanistan, I had been ensnared by the prospect of making a lot of money in the film industry, ultimately losing sight of those values. Although monetary security would be nice; I discovered that the feeling of positively affecting the world, and leading others who shared those values, is what I truly desired. Thus, coupled with the fact that in the military I would be responsible to my comrades for remaining physically fit, I decided to seek a new direction for my life at a recruiting office.
In my first meeting with the Officer Selection Officer (OSO) he literally laughed in my longhaired, rotund, film student face. “Son, you’re in the wrong place. You will never be a Marine Officer.”, he quipped as I sat my 6 foot 2, 350-pound frame uncomfortably in his office. I had chosen the Marines because they were everything I wanted to be, but was not. They were confident, physically hard, mentally tough, and completely disciplined. Most importantly they, as President Regan once said, did not have to wonder if they had made a difference in the world. The OSO’s statement confirmed that I was exactly where I needed to be. Some might consider his statements to be inconsiderate and crass; however in the war fighting business there is no room for procedural niceties when it comes to those who might be responsible for the lives of others. Despite his efforts to the contrary, he had me hooked. I decided right then and there that I would do whatever it took earn a place amongst them. I would pay any price; suffer any inconvenience, in order to achieve my new goal.
I changed my diet and started an intense exercise regimen; little did I know that would prove to be a catalyst for a more substantial transformation. Meticulous attention to detail, discipline, and unwavering determination were developed and etched into my being by every french fry forgone; every bead of sweat shed; and every aching muscle endured. I learned what it meant to set goals, to be disciplined in their pursuit, and to see them through to fruition. Two years later, I had lost 165 pounds. It was, at the time, the hardest thing I had ever done. The lessons I learned laid the foundations for success. I applied to and was selected for Officer Candidate School. The same man, who dismissed me 24 months earlier, shook my hand as I signed my contract. He couldn’t believe it.
Six years later, I am a completely different person than that man who initially sat in the OSO’s office. I am in great physical condition, no longer constructing a personal gallows with pizza boxes and soda cans. I have been reared in the unforgiving school of a Marine Corps that has been at war for eleven years. I have prepared Marines for, led them in, and seen them safely home from combat situations in Afghanistan. As a result, I possess a confidence that is difficult to explain to those who have not shared in that burden. Gone forever is that overweight, insecure individual, and in his place is a self- disciplined, determined, and capable leader. I have set a new goal, once again redirecting the course of my life. I believe the study law will allow me further opportunities to serve others, improve this nation, and develop my leadership skills; for my reaming time in the Marine Corps and following my departure from its ranks. I will do whatever it takes to achieve it.
