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Draft, Needs lots and lots of help. Lots....

Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2012 1:51 am
by zabava
Hi guys, so I spent a ridiculously long time "writing" in order to produce this - see below. Please tear apart, I welcome all and any suggestions! I will gladly use my (albeit clearly stumped) editing skills to help you with yours!

PM me if you'd like to help :-)

Re: Draft, Needs lots and lots of help. Lots....

Posted: Fri Sep 14, 2012 4:52 pm
by CorkBoard
Too long. Needs paragraph breaks.

I'd cut the academic portion out of this PS and not consider your desire to do more a flaw. Your immigration story would probably be more compelling to a reader than the story of your studying in UG.

Re: Draft, Needs lots and lots of help. Lots....

Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 8:20 pm
by zabava
Thank you lots! :-)