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Thanks for the advice. It's time to get back to work

..

DELETE: ", as it tended to be," in the first paragraph.

DELETE & do not rewrite or replace the entire final paragraph.

Those two changes should improve your essay.
Overall, your PS is interesting & sincere.

This topic is very vague and makes you come off as incredibly unstable, especially in the first two paragraphs. Not a good look. I don't know what it is you're trying to write about either.

Scrap it.