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The substance of your essay: 1. father's character and 2. experiences with race in a leadership role makes for a very compelling topic. I think you unintentionally undermine it, however, with phrases like "as a lawyer and law student" and "want to succeed in law school more than I have ever wanted something in my life."

You're writing for adcomms -- they already know you want to go to law school, and they already know you want to become a lawyer. I think the scope shift from the above substance to the somewhat obvious sales pitch towards the end has a weakening effect on your topic.

IMO, its enough to show your interest in racial equality, leadership, etc., by simply describing the topic and its significance to you.

alright thank you, yea I understand what you are saying. I might replace those lines with something else.