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I finished the first draft of my essay (no erotica, that was just to get your attention). If anyone could give my essay a look through PM, that would be great.

The quote itself was from an event that affected someone close to me, and the essay talks about my relationship with that person before, during, and after the event. So far people have liked it for the most part, with some good suggestions...

Just generally speaking, your topic can be potentially dangerous in that it starts off with a quote and that it is somewhat about somebody else.

The quote usage is dangerous in that it is extremely cliche, overused (even when the quote is relevant and powerful), and can signify a weak intro (some people believe using a quote to open an essay or piece of writing is a lazy writing technique). However, you an still pull it off if you are a good writer.

Talking about somebody else can be dangerous too since you risk not talking enough about yourself. In other words, your reader does not learn enough about you since half of the time you talk about the other person.

Just make sure to keep these in mind and to stay away from these potential dangers

thederangedwang: Would you be willing to skim my PS through PM to see if I avoided those traps? Thanks.

I've heard it has to be really amazing to start out with a quote. I think you could probably express the same thing in your own words without using a quote from someone else.