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Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:22 am
by Neatrends
Trying to submit in the next half hour, unsure about the wording of a single sentence in my essay:
One of the moments that stands out most in my mind from these experiences was when (blah said)
or
One of the moments that stands out most in my mind from these experiences is when (blah said)
?
Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:24 am
by 062914123
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Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:25 am
by Total Litigator
Try something shorter....
Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:26 am
by nsbane
Both options are a whole string of words that delays the reader from getting to the point.
By the way I'm pretty sure both would work. i think in spoken language we would say was.
Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:27 am
by nsbane
bee wrote:Neatrends wrote:Trying to submit in the next half hour, unsure about the wording of a single sentence in my essay:
One of the moments that stands out most in my mind from these experiences was when (blah said)
or
One of the moments that stands out most in my mind from these experiences is when (blah said)
?
IMHO:
In my mind, the most memorable moment was __________.
Don't over-complicate.
Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:28 am
by 062914123
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Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:33 am
by Indifferent
Your sentence has no subject and ambiguously implies that you are offering to help someone edit a sentence rather than conveys that you are asking for help.
"The most memorable moment was" is TCR.
Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:35 am
by 062914123
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Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:41 am
by Neatrends
Indifferent wrote:Your sentence has no subject and ambiguously implies that you are offering to help someone edit a sentence rather than conveys that you are asking for help.
"The most memorable moment was" is TCR.
Touche!
I think I will shorten it and stick to "was." Thanks for the input guys.
Re: Need help editing a single sentence, anyone?
Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:57 pm
by kublaikahn
I remember most ...