Anyone have time to critique a personal statement?
Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:32 pm
This is the statement I have sent in to seven schools; are there any changes you would suggest making before I send them to my target schools?
My life trajectory has been changed over the past five years. When I began college, I wanted to work overseas and help fix the problems of other peoples. I know now that there is so much broken in our own country. My experience with capital punishment and my time working as a correctional officer have convinced me that our criminal justice system has focused far too long on the wrong objective. I want to help change that.
The death penalty is what first exposed me to the criminal justice system. In college, I was an active member of the Ohio State Amnesty International chapter. Though I joined the group to work on international human rights violations, I was attracted to the issue of the death penalty because of the apparent practical problems of executions. The complications of innocence, racial disparities, and cost were what first motivated me in my activism. However, when I met the relatives of those on death row and murder victims’ families who found it in their hearts to forgive, my views on the issue were changed. When the humanity of those impacted most by the death penalty was laid before me, it was impossible not to feel for all parties involved.
How could our longing for punishment outweigh our concern for the victims and for those who committed these awful crimes? Slowly I realized that our seemingly instinctive desire for justice was the underlying problem. I had grown up believing that American-style retributive justice was a virtue. I had been wrong. I could see that it was a vice that had blinded us to the love we should have towards our neighbor. Knowing that capital punishment threatened not only those on death row, but the righteousness of all Americans, I graduated from Ohio State and left for South Dakota.
Though I had come to South Dakota to work an AmeriCorps job on the reservation, it was impossible for me not to feel the pull of the death penalty, which was on the state books and had been used as recently as 2007. With this in mind, I founded South Dakotans for Alternatives to the Death Penalty (SDADP), and over the past two years have worked as the primary driving force as we built a board of directors, grew our membership base, created a relationship with the media, and raised the $23,500 that has funded the organization’s activities.
While $6,000 of the money raised has been used to support me while I worked actively on the issue, I have had to pick up several jobs over the past two years. The position that most impacted me was a six-month stint as a correctional officer at the South Dakota Women’s Prison. There I was exposed to the flaws of our sentencing policies and our correctional system. For years I had opposed the yearning for retributive justice for moral reasons, but my time at the prison showed me this was more than a moral issue; it was a problem of practicality.
The prison and most its employees were so focused on ensuring that incarceration was sufficient punishment that they impeded, and even reversed, the “correction” of the ladies. The women were told when and where to eat, sleep, exercise, and socialize. They were treated like children, and like children they became dependent. The prison depended on deterrence to keep them from returning to prison, but without the tools, skills, and help necessary to lead a productive and successful life, many women came back repeatedly. I found that when we are so dedicated on ensuring everyone “gets what they deserve” it is difficult, if not impossible, to put proper emphasis on making our world a better and safer place.
Many within the United States need to realize this same principle. The only way most will see the problems with our sentencing and correction policies is through contrast. The public needs to witness how a correction facility that focuses on helping prisoners lead a successful life, rather than on punishment, can reduce crime and recidivism and even save money in the long run. I imagine that such an institution will involve training, mentoring, community involvement, and post-release support, but I will be the first to admit I don’t know the exact formula. I need to know our criminal justice system and our laws better before I can have a real impact. To be truly involved and successful in sentencing reform work, either full-time or on the side while I make a living as a defense attorney, I will need a law degree.
My life trajectory has been changed over the past five years. When I began college, I wanted to work overseas and help fix the problems of other peoples. I know now that there is so much broken in our own country. My experience with capital punishment and my time working as a correctional officer have convinced me that our criminal justice system has focused far too long on the wrong objective. I want to help change that.
The death penalty is what first exposed me to the criminal justice system. In college, I was an active member of the Ohio State Amnesty International chapter. Though I joined the group to work on international human rights violations, I was attracted to the issue of the death penalty because of the apparent practical problems of executions. The complications of innocence, racial disparities, and cost were what first motivated me in my activism. However, when I met the relatives of those on death row and murder victims’ families who found it in their hearts to forgive, my views on the issue were changed. When the humanity of those impacted most by the death penalty was laid before me, it was impossible not to feel for all parties involved.
How could our longing for punishment outweigh our concern for the victims and for those who committed these awful crimes? Slowly I realized that our seemingly instinctive desire for justice was the underlying problem. I had grown up believing that American-style retributive justice was a virtue. I had been wrong. I could see that it was a vice that had blinded us to the love we should have towards our neighbor. Knowing that capital punishment threatened not only those on death row, but the righteousness of all Americans, I graduated from Ohio State and left for South Dakota.
Though I had come to South Dakota to work an AmeriCorps job on the reservation, it was impossible for me not to feel the pull of the death penalty, which was on the state books and had been used as recently as 2007. With this in mind, I founded South Dakotans for Alternatives to the Death Penalty (SDADP), and over the past two years have worked as the primary driving force as we built a board of directors, grew our membership base, created a relationship with the media, and raised the $23,500 that has funded the organization’s activities.
While $6,000 of the money raised has been used to support me while I worked actively on the issue, I have had to pick up several jobs over the past two years. The position that most impacted me was a six-month stint as a correctional officer at the South Dakota Women’s Prison. There I was exposed to the flaws of our sentencing policies and our correctional system. For years I had opposed the yearning for retributive justice for moral reasons, but my time at the prison showed me this was more than a moral issue; it was a problem of practicality.
The prison and most its employees were so focused on ensuring that incarceration was sufficient punishment that they impeded, and even reversed, the “correction” of the ladies. The women were told when and where to eat, sleep, exercise, and socialize. They were treated like children, and like children they became dependent. The prison depended on deterrence to keep them from returning to prison, but without the tools, skills, and help necessary to lead a productive and successful life, many women came back repeatedly. I found that when we are so dedicated on ensuring everyone “gets what they deserve” it is difficult, if not impossible, to put proper emphasis on making our world a better and safer place.
Many within the United States need to realize this same principle. The only way most will see the problems with our sentencing and correction policies is through contrast. The public needs to witness how a correction facility that focuses on helping prisoners lead a successful life, rather than on punishment, can reduce crime and recidivism and even save money in the long run. I imagine that such an institution will involve training, mentoring, community involvement, and post-release support, but I will be the first to admit I don’t know the exact formula. I need to know our criminal justice system and our laws better before I can have a real impact. To be truly involved and successful in sentencing reform work, either full-time or on the side while I make a living as a defense attorney, I will need a law degree.