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Please edit ONE paragraph for me!
Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:17 pm
by Blue Ivy
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Re: Please edit ONE paragraph for me!
Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:20 pm
by postn0bills
I like it, but I would remove this line "It was about what made sense financially, not emotionally." You've already made that point, it's redundant, and by reiterating it makes it seem like you are placing emphasis on your emotional disconnect rather than your ability to approach a case objectively.
Re: Please edit ONE paragraph for me!
Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:34 pm
by Blue Ivy
Thanks for the feedback! I see what you mean.
Re: Please edit ONE paragraph for me!
Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:05 pm
by Blue Ivy
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Re: Please edit ONE paragraph for me!
Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:39 am
by fashiongirl
The last sentence is a really long fragment.
Also the part about "speaking their language" was weird to me too. Not sure what to put in there.
Re: Please edit ONE paragraph for me!
Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:56 am
by jrthor10
shouldn't there be a "the" in front of precipice in the first sentence?
Re: Please edit ONE paragraph for me!
Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:57 am
by jrthor10
fashiongirl wrote:The last sentence is a really long fragment.
Also the part about "speaking their language" was weird to me too. Not sure what to put in there.
Also, this.