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rough draft on perception changes (personal statement)
Posted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 11:57 pm
by swtlilsoni
Deleted
Re: rough draft on perception changes (personal statement)
Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2012 11:48 pm
by swtlilsoni
Deleted
Re: rough draft on perception changes (personal statement)
Posted: Wed Jan 11, 2012 11:50 pm
by paratactical
You will get more results if you just post the PS. Leave it up until you get enough comments and then take it down if you're worried about privacy.
Re: rough draft on perception changes (personal statement)
Posted: Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:36 pm
by swtlilsoni
Anyone?
Re: rough draft on perception changes (personal statement)
Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2012 9:44 pm
by BeaverHunter
Nobody is going to be able to read the whole thing. You seem intelligent and technically a good writer, but what I was able to read of this was not interesting at all. Maybe tie in some stories, experiences, anything really. It just seems like you are yammering on about your "perspectives" with no real point or purpose.
If you want feedback you'll have to shorten this. It is a painful read (and I mean that in a helpful not a mean way).
Re: rough draft on perception changes (personal statement)
Posted: Sun Jan 15, 2012 10:03 pm
by kwais
Not my favorite. Sometimes these narrative devices can be useful, when they stay in the background and help tell the story. Here, your device is the story. It comes off a little like "I've done nothing substantive in my life but let's see if I can make you forget that while you enjoy my writing." As a previous poster said, you appear to be a good writer, so keep trying, dig deeper, more about you and less about this repetitive metaphor.