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Please delete thread.

I realize that my PS isn't that great and needs some serious polish, but any comment or critisism would help and be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Why not polish it first and then ask for comments? While you do so, tone the negativity down a little; I get that you're trying to show growth but you don't need to leave such a strong bitter taste in the reader's mouth.

Also, I suggest you delete the first paragraph; don't tell the reader about things that don't pertain to you.

Master Tofu wrote:Why not polish it first and then ask for comments? While you do so, tone the negativity down a little; I get that you're trying to show growth but you don't need to leave such a strong bitter taste in the reader's mouth.

Also, I suggest you delete the first paragraph; don't tell the reader about things that don't pertain to you.

Point taken. I'll polish it up and repost. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't polishing something that shouldn't be polished. The reason the first paragraph is included is to give context as to why my business failed. It doesn't flow well because I added in the second paragraph later. Perhaps I should delete the second paragraph and include that one in my GPA addendum?