Critique my PS, please?
Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 5:09 pm
This is a pretty rough draft, but I figure it can't hurt to have some other sets of eyes look at it. I'm hoping to finish up my applications in the next week or so and this is the last part I need to finish (this is the 5th one I've written, but I think I'm finally getting near what I'd like to say). Any and all critiques, suggestions, etc are greatly appreciated! Rip it apart. Thanks!
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Sometimes, I jokingly describe my life as that of a carnie; in reality, it's not far from the truth. I started showing dogs when I was thirteen years old and by the time I was sixteen, I felt lucky if I knew what state I was waking up in each morning. Unlike most die-hard dog exhibitors, I wasn't born into the sport; I came into it blindly, but with a determination and fire that only grew with the challenges that would be put in front of me.
When I was twelve years old I met another young girl who showed dogs in junior showmanship, a competition that judges the quality of a child's handling skills rather than the merits of their dog. Something inside me clicked and I knew I had to become involved. I knew it would be a long shot, but I cornered my mom one afternoon and told her that I wanted to show dogs. She was the mother who wouldn't let me do travel soccer as there was a perfectly good field to play in right outside the house, so it was no surprise to me when my request was met with a resounding “No.” Not easily dissuaded, I begged and pleaded until she finally caved and gave me a challenge: if I could grow the coat out on our pet-quality Cocker Spaniel and put her into a show trim, she would let me enter a dog show. Cocker Spaniels are arguably one of the hardest breeds to groom, so I started to research proper grooming techniques and learn all I could. It took me nearly a year, but true to her word, when I had gotten this dog into show trim, my mom entered me in a local show.
Theoretically, the rules for junior showmanship say that the dog does not have to be show quality, so I showed up on show morning, beaming with pride over my year-long project and what I thought was a magnificent looking animal. We quickly realized, however, that when a boy who showed the previous year's #1-ranked Beagle dropped it off the examination table not once, but twice, during my class and still beat me, we were going to need a show quality dog. My mother and I set off immediately to research breeds and finally settled on the Bedlington Terrier. I found a bloodline of dogs I liked, who happened to have puppies available at the time and worked up the courage to call the breeder.
“You're just not old enough or serious enough.” Those words loomed in the air as a resounding click told me the breeder I was speaking to on the phone had hung up, ending all further discussion on the matter; I would not be getting one of her puppies. I was crushed, but that feeling of devastation quickly turned to one of determination. I was going to make sure no one ever doubted again that I was, in fact, serious enough.
Over the next few weeks, I found a breeder who took a chance on me and gave me a dog who would become my partner in one of the most amazing journeys of my life. He came to me as my fourteenth birthday gift and by the time I was sixteen, he was a finished AKC Champion of Record and the #5 Bedlington Terrier that year. In 2007, I started an unprecedented campaign with him; I was going to make him the first #1 Bedlington Terrier in history that was shown by a junior handler. We ended the year almost 100 points ahead of the #2 dog after attending over 150 different shows that year in more than 15 states. Along the way, I broke many records, set new ones and earned the respect of many of the people who had doubted me to begin with. I formed a love for the sport that would last my entire life and has set the tone for my future goals.
Over the last nine years, I have repeatedly seen my sport threatened by anti-breeder and dog-ownership legislation. I know going to law school is the right choice for me, because while many in our sport prefer to act like Nero, fiddling while our city burns around them; I want to be on the front lines, protecting the rights of those involved in purebred dogs. A legal degree would give me the ability to advocate for breeders and animal owners and protect the rights of the next generation of youth; giving them the chance that I had: to prove just how serious they are when faced with a doubt and a challenge.
_________________________________
Sometimes, I jokingly describe my life as that of a carnie; in reality, it's not far from the truth. I started showing dogs when I was thirteen years old and by the time I was sixteen, I felt lucky if I knew what state I was waking up in each morning. Unlike most die-hard dog exhibitors, I wasn't born into the sport; I came into it blindly, but with a determination and fire that only grew with the challenges that would be put in front of me.
When I was twelve years old I met another young girl who showed dogs in junior showmanship, a competition that judges the quality of a child's handling skills rather than the merits of their dog. Something inside me clicked and I knew I had to become involved. I knew it would be a long shot, but I cornered my mom one afternoon and told her that I wanted to show dogs. She was the mother who wouldn't let me do travel soccer as there was a perfectly good field to play in right outside the house, so it was no surprise to me when my request was met with a resounding “No.” Not easily dissuaded, I begged and pleaded until she finally caved and gave me a challenge: if I could grow the coat out on our pet-quality Cocker Spaniel and put her into a show trim, she would let me enter a dog show. Cocker Spaniels are arguably one of the hardest breeds to groom, so I started to research proper grooming techniques and learn all I could. It took me nearly a year, but true to her word, when I had gotten this dog into show trim, my mom entered me in a local show.
Theoretically, the rules for junior showmanship say that the dog does not have to be show quality, so I showed up on show morning, beaming with pride over my year-long project and what I thought was a magnificent looking animal. We quickly realized, however, that when a boy who showed the previous year's #1-ranked Beagle dropped it off the examination table not once, but twice, during my class and still beat me, we were going to need a show quality dog. My mother and I set off immediately to research breeds and finally settled on the Bedlington Terrier. I found a bloodline of dogs I liked, who happened to have puppies available at the time and worked up the courage to call the breeder.
“You're just not old enough or serious enough.” Those words loomed in the air as a resounding click told me the breeder I was speaking to on the phone had hung up, ending all further discussion on the matter; I would not be getting one of her puppies. I was crushed, but that feeling of devastation quickly turned to one of determination. I was going to make sure no one ever doubted again that I was, in fact, serious enough.
Over the next few weeks, I found a breeder who took a chance on me and gave me a dog who would become my partner in one of the most amazing journeys of my life. He came to me as my fourteenth birthday gift and by the time I was sixteen, he was a finished AKC Champion of Record and the #5 Bedlington Terrier that year. In 2007, I started an unprecedented campaign with him; I was going to make him the first #1 Bedlington Terrier in history that was shown by a junior handler. We ended the year almost 100 points ahead of the #2 dog after attending over 150 different shows that year in more than 15 states. Along the way, I broke many records, set new ones and earned the respect of many of the people who had doubted me to begin with. I formed a love for the sport that would last my entire life and has set the tone for my future goals.
Over the last nine years, I have repeatedly seen my sport threatened by anti-breeder and dog-ownership legislation. I know going to law school is the right choice for me, because while many in our sport prefer to act like Nero, fiddling while our city burns around them; I want to be on the front lines, protecting the rights of those involved in purebred dogs. A legal degree would give me the ability to advocate for breeders and animal owners and protect the rights of the next generation of youth; giving them the chance that I had: to prove just how serious they are when faced with a doubt and a challenge.