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jeremydc wrote: Growing up on the island of Oahu, I did not fully understand my rights as a Native Hawaiian. You need to take this out or define what the "Native Hawaiian rights" are. Despite the trials and tribulations that I have faced, I have never abandoned my identity. I am proud to be a Native Hawaiian but that’s not easy.Repetitive As a member of a Hawaiian community on the Leeward Coast, I learned that many people also did not fully comprehend the rights that we possess as Native Hawaiians.Again, this doesn't hold enough meaning unless explained In pursuit ofBy pursuing a legal education, I am hoping to interpret the law to help establish what rights Native Hawaiians possess and how to use these rights to strengthen the Hawaiian Community as a whole. The last part of this is a bit wordy

My experiences as a child were unique because I was sheltered in a community that was becoming culturally extinct.and Many friends and neighbors had a difficult time seeing the opportunities that were attainable. Even though there were some negative aspects growing up in a Hawaiian community, we were still a communal culture with healthy family support systems. The one thing that I had a hard time understanding was the ideology that many of our problems as a community could be blamed on the “haole.” ItThis mentality says it is the white man’s fault that we were not as educated as they are and that our culture was on the verge of extinction. I simply could not understand such an explanation until I experienced life in a predominately white community.This last sentence doesn't make sense in light of the next paragraph. What about you going to a white school let you to be able to understand blaming things on the haole?

At the age 13, my mother decided that it would be best for me to receive a quality education at a school that had been consistently recognized for providing its students with the best available tools that would help them get into college. Even though I was seen as an outsider by virtuebecause of the way I spoke andof my skin complexion, my experiences at such a school made me aware that the vast majority of my classmates wereclearly on track to go to college while many of my friends back home were not. I realized that education was the key to be successful in life.This last sentence could use more explaining. Were the people at the school obviously better off than your friends back home?

After a year at the predominately white middle school, my family moved back to the Leeward Coast of Oahu. I quickly recognized that receiving an education was seen as the exceptiona distraction rather than the norm. Nothing would stop me from becoming the second person in my immediate familyfromto obtaining mya high school diploma. I became involved in extracurricular activities throughout high school because I knew that being productive would help me stay away fromthe distractionsthat peer pressure could bring. At the age of 17, I became heavily involved in mixed martial arts. As a part of my growth process, mixed martial arts had taught me self-disciple and never back away from a challenge to give up on a fight. I learned the tools necessary to succeed in any situation.

There are many problems thatfaceing the Hawaiian culture such as being defined by our blood quantum, the lack of adequate and sufficient homelands, and the need for a quality education system for Native Hawaiians to understand the rights that we possess.This is a long and confusing sentence As a lawyer, I will ensure that my community will have a voice within the legal system that has also experienced the difficulties of being a Native Hawaiian in Hawaii today.This sentence also needs revised for clarity

Even though I was seen as an outsider by virtue of the way I spoke and of my skin complexion,