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the interest and passion that I developed through the course of my research helped to define the type of law I ultimately want to go into. The experience gave me new perspective on the power of the law.

These combined experiences, along with my interest in feminism and reproductive rights, helped me to realize a passion for social justice.

Social justice interests me on both a domestic and international level, however, I hope to work in a capacity where I can secure and protect rights of American citizens.

breadbucket wrote:Honestly I got bored, a lot of it seems too contrived; while this probably not the case as it seems from your preface that it is a very genuine and deep experience.

the interest and passion that I developed through the course of my research helped to define the type of law I ultimately want to go into. The experience gave me new perspective on the power of the law.

This, just doesn't sound very analytical or particularly introspective. If the experience really impacted you and your view of the law, then tell us in a way that conveys that impact. Use language and literary devices that convey that metamorphosis.

These combined experiences, along with my interest in feminism and reproductive rights, helped me to realize a passion for social justice.

Again, just seems loosely fitting based on your narrative.

Social justice interests me on both a domestic and international level, however, I hope to work in a capacity where I can secure and protect rights of American citizens.

For instance, you could cut half this sentence here, and I think you see which half.

For me, I would personally like this to emulate the Hero's journey more closely, as it seems that's how it begins. There is potential here, but only if you focus it, make it more like a narrative, and concentrate harder on the transformation as a constant struggle

Since PULSE, I have gone on to become the Vice President of Students for Justice in Palestine—a club that focuses on the social justice and human rights components of the Palestinian Israeli Conflict. I also was a part of the affiliated course that travels to the region to witness the reality of the conflict on the ground. As a member of the unrecognized club --- Students for Sexual Health, I have worked to inform students about sexual health issues and resources both on and off campus, and while living on campus, served as a “safe site” where students could come for free contraception if they needed. ---, a Catholic University, does not recognize many clubs on campus, nor does it allow for sexual health services to be provided on campus. While in Berlin, we worked with the Amadeu Antonio Stiftung, a group that works to end neo-Nazi and right wing violence. Experiences like these have only reinforced my desire to protect and preserve the constitution.

we worked with the Amadeu Antonio Stiftung, a group that works to end neo-Nazi and right wing violence.

breadbucket wrote:Best of luck! post up a reworked one when you are ready