Looking for honest feedback...
Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:16 am
I have been working on this for a few days now and want to know if I am going in a useable direction. All criticism is welcome.
“…The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”
- Theodore Roosevelt
Some people might call this particular quote banal, that it has been overused and its impact lessened due to that popularity. But still, so much of my current philosophy is described by what Theodore Roosevelt said. When I originally heard these words, they told me certain things about how I wanted to feel about myself. They were telling me to get in there, to give it my best shot, because trying and failing is better than never having tried at all. It was a good motivator for a kid who was so unsure about what he wanted to be.
Now things read a little differently, or better, my feelings towards that quote have changed. The actual message is not any different; there is very little room for interpretation. Reading this quote nine years ago made me want to pursue great endeavors, to be a bold decision maker and ignore any restriction on how successful I could be. I would be in that arena and through my accumulation of blood, sweat, and dirt I would know the “triumph of high achievement”. What Mr. Roosevelt fails to mention is that high achievement comes much more sparingly than error or shortcoming, which turns out was a lesson better learned through experience.
My final year at university was a bittersweet one. Plagued by injury during the athletic season, I never lived up to the lofty goals I had set for myself. Now with the aid of hindsight it is apparent that doing poorly in my sport is not my greatest regret. Half-heartedly, and with a nonchalance that I can now admit to, I applied to four law schools. My LSAT score was dismal and my applications were, to be frank, unprofessional. After four rejection notices came in the mail I resigned myself to failure and became convinced that law school was not the path I was supposed to go on.
You become that timid soul when you halt the pursuit of the worthy cause. He never mentions that you can fall out of the ring, dismiss yourself from the battle. Now it seems like the man who strives and fails but does not continue on suffers the greatest agony, he suffers both a defeat in the moment and, perhaps, a permanent defeat of the psyche. A year ago that was me; just a lingering onlooker with no plan or purpose who had given up at the first notice of rejection. There was no glory in that place, no consolation that I had at least tried. There was only mediocrity and a deep, ever present sense of disappointment.
It took a lot of soul searching to come back to this. I moved across the country, endured dead end jobs, and eventually ended up back home with my parents after running out of money. The wandering took its toll, and one day after waking up in my childhood bedroom, I made the decision to get a job. I was exceedingly fortunate to be hired by an insurance company, and while I didn’t know the first thing about insurance, I was happy to be employed. Taking this as a second chance, I applied myself enthusiastically to my new profession, and it has been gratifying seeing my hard work pay off.
Once again, however, a revelation came to me as I woke up. While I was living in security I also saw that I was living in mediocrity, and that I would never be sincerely challenged unless I was willing to take a chance. This is when my mind turned towards law school once again. That initial failure was still very present in my mind, but my motivation and capacity for work were profoundly changed.
Now I can see what Roosevelt means, that high achievement, the apex goal, only comes in the end. Resigning yourself to failure only creates an artificial conclusion. That kind of defeat has no glory, no one can dare greatly if they quit halfway through the scene. My experiences through failure eventually fostered in me an intense resolve that would have not existed had someone not told me “No.”