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In Mother Russia, Personal Statement Writes You

Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 11:52 pm
by Trex
Lol, sorry for the obnoxious title, I am just trying to get some more opinions...

Thank you all for swapping with me. I have read many critiques and have implemented many things that were suggested. My apologies for those people who I haven't gotten back to, but I was swamped. I am still willing to look over some more. For now, I am desperate for some help. I been working on the same PS for over 3 weeks and I can't stand it any longer. Help me please!

Please quote only via PM because I want to delete it after I'm done. Thank you so much!
^ This is the ending for my number one law school. It doesn't give a Why X option, is it overkill to say if admitted, I will attend?

Re: Please Help Me! (Revised)

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:34 pm
by Trex
Bump. I am really sick of writing this already, but the more I fix it, the worse it sounds (or so I feel). Anyone ever felt that way?

Re: Please Help Me! (Revised)

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:38 pm
by CanadianWolf
In my opinion, this is a very well done PS. You write in a clear, organized & convincing manner.

Re: Please Help Me! (Revised)

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:51 pm
by Trex
Thank you, I appreciate that.

Re: In Mother Russia, Personal Statement Writes You

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 6:40 pm
by Kess
Nice thread title.

Overall, I like this PS. It shows your character. Although, I would think of a better way of communicating to that school that it's your dream school. They might think you're telling every school that.

Re: In Mother Russia, Personal Statement Writes You

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 9:16 pm
by Trex
Does anyone think I should write "if admitted, i will attend"?