GPA Addendum Rough Draft - PLEASE Critique! Forum

[LSPlease]

Can you all please let me know if you believe this addendum works? Mine is somewhat unconventional but honest.

I'd appreciate any critiquing. I know these should be short and to the point but I felt the need to give that brief background.

GPA Addendum

During my early years of college beginning in 2003, I was mentally unprepared for the diligence and responsibility required to excel in school. My immaturity and lack of motivation had an extremely harsh impact as is evident in my grades. It was a poor decision to choose to attend school when completely disinterested.

Although GPA addendums are typically written to explain poor grades, mine is to explain my sudden spike of drastic improvement.

Towards the end of 2007, my fiancée had an unexpected pregnancy. This event completely altered my outlook both philosophically and academically. As a result I transferred from the community college I attended, retook classes I had done poorly in from the past, began averaging a 3.7 GPA, and graduated with University Honors. I believe that my work from 2008 onwards is truly representative of my current potential.

[crumpetsandtea]

Hm. It's a little iffy because it focuses on your immaturity so much. I'd cut out the first 2 paragraphs and say something like:

When I first started college in 2003, I was mentally unprepared for the diligence and responsibility required to excel in school. Towards the end of 2007, however, my fiancée and I had an child (or pregnancy, if she didn't carry it to term?), an event that changed my mental state completely and made me refocus on my education. (ADD IN 1 SENTENCE ON WHY) As a result, I transferred from the community college I attended, retook classes I had done poorly in from the past, began averaging a 3.7 GPA, and graduated with University Honors. I believe that my work from 2008 onwards is truly representative of my current potential.

Do NOT say 'unexpected' because it only serves to make you seem MORE immature. You want the 1 sentence I suggested to be about your transformation, because right now your story is not very compelling. Tell us why we should believe that this pregnancy changed you.

I would seriously consider whether it's actually necessary to send this in.

[LSPlease]

Thanks. I feel that I have to explain how my grades could have been so TERRIBLE and suddenly I turned into smartguy.

[crumpetsandtea]

Thanks. I feel that I have to explain how my grades could have been so TERRIBLE and suddenly I turned into smartguy.

Honestly, addenda are usually only reserved for people who have significant reasons like illness or family issues. Yours could fall under that, but you need to explain it and frame it that way for your addendum to be useful to you. The problem is that most people (as you noted) explain why they weren't simply immature, but yours simply makes it clear that you WERE just immature at the time. Because of that you realllyyyy need to convince adcomms that you've put that behind you.