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Personal Statement Critique?

Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:25 pm
by SUCO
Thanks

Re: Personal Statement Critique?

Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:30 pm
by CanadianWolf
DELETE: The entire final paragraph. No need to replace it.

Re: Personal Statement Critique?

Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:33 pm
by SUCO
Will do. Does the rest look alright? Hopefully I've improved over my first PS, which you were nice enough to take a look at a few weeks ago as well.

Re: Personal Statement Critique?

Posted: Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:45 pm
by Bgard008
Hey,

I too ran Track in HS and College so I was excited to read this. :) Most of your thoughts in this essay can be shortened w/o loosing what you are trying to convey. You have ALOT of run-ons. Loose some of the comas and replace them with periods.

The first paragraph has great potential. Tie your determination to win into why you have decided to attend Law School. I didn't get the relation between track and law school.

After reading, I thought of it as two different essays. One about Track and another about motovation, in general.

Good Luck.