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I was placed on academic probation following the Spring of 2008 after I received a 0.00 GPA for the semester. This occurred following the death of both my grandfather and my close personal childhood friend caused me to shutdown and not even have the awareness to withdrawal for the semester. I have become mature through this situation and learned that it is important to continue to strive for my best even when personal tragedies occur. Since this semester my combined GPA has been a 3.96. I also would have had a cumulative college GPA of 3.85 if it were not for this semester, which I believe is more representative of my ability. I have also demonstrated my maturity of dealing with personal hardships as I have had a 3.97 GPA since my brother’s illness that I discussed in my personal statement.

Bump, I'd really like to know if I am doing this correctly...

looks good, i would just delete all the hypothetical stuff.

ThreeRivers wrote:I was placed on academic probation following the Spring of 2008 after I received a 0.00 GPA for the semester. This occurred following the death of both my grandfather and my close personal childhood friend whichcaused me to shut down and not even have the awareness to withdraw for the semester. I have become more mature because of this situation and learned that it is important to continue to work to the best of my abilities even when personal tragedies occur. Since this semester (Insert comma) my combined GPA has been a 3.96. I also would have had a cumulative college GPA of 3.85 if it were not for this semester, which I believe is more representative of my ability. I have also demonstrated my maturity of dealing with personal hardships as I have had a 3.97 GPA since my brother’s illness that I discussed in my personal statement.

Try this.

I definitely like all of your corrections

Thanks!

"deaths", not "death".

CONSIDER: "I have matured from these experiences and learned...".

CONSIDER:

I was placed on academic probation following the Spring of 2008 after I received a 0.00 GPA for the semester. This occurred following the deaths of both my grandfather and of my close personal childhood friend. The ensuing emotional shock resulted in my failure to withdraw for the semester. I have matured from these experiences and learned the importance of acting responsibly even when personal tragedies occur. Since that semester, my combined GPA has been a 3.96.