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Thanks for the help everybody. Thanks especially to rinkrat for all the constructive criticism.

TofferStrom wrote:exploring the nut-hard corrals

I came. Absolutely include this line in your revised personal statement. Aside from that, I would suggest going with something more conventional. (For example: http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/v ... 2&t=169112). If you want to be all creative and shit, law school isn't for you.

stop trying to sound smart, deep, philosophical, or abstract and start sounding normal.


This is nowhere close to being a decent ps imho.

This is so incredibly pretentious it made my eyes bleed.

A metaphor loses its effectiveness when you fashion it into a hammer and beat the reader over the head with it. I hated your Ocean of Esoteric after the first paragraph and was hoping you'd (metaphorically) drown in it and stop writing.

Take a creative writing class and get it out of your system. Then take a business or technical writing class and learn how to write clearly.

That was a beautiful essay!!

Suggest tweaking the 2d-to-last line because "Sympathy Avenue and Problem-solver Place" is a little goofy...reminiscent of Sesame Street?

Overall - I at least have a sense of who you are. You might want to read some other essays in various collections. Stay true to your own insights and don't ape others.

Agree that you should delete : "...on the corner of Sympathy Avenue and Problem-solver Place."

The primary concern is whether or not you want to use the one opportunity that law school applications allow to reveal more about yourself in this manner.