PS rough draft- please critique
Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:18 am
I have gone through several drafts of my personal statement, but I am not happy with any of them. If anyone could please critique my essay I would really appreciate it. I don't mind if it is mean, as long as it helps me in the long run.
As I stared out of the unsteady plane window, hoping that we would land safely in the Miami airport, I watched the island of Cuba slowly disappear below me. I contemplated how in a short thirty-five minute plane ride you could arrive in a completely different world. A world stuck in the past and stricken by poverty, yet beautiful in its own way. This was my parents’ world, where they grew up and lived for a substantial portion of their lives. My parents constantly remind me of the struggles and difficulties of living in Cuba, and they have strived to provide a better life for my brother and me. Although I will never be able to tell my children of having to go get water in a bucket in order to shower, or how I was placed in a boarding school at the age of 11, I will be able to tell a different story of my own experiences and challenges.
Throughout my life, I have moved several times, but no move was more impacting than the transatlantic flight from Madrid, Spain to the United States. As a seven year old the English language came naturally to me, and after a short six months I was able to thrive in the American school system. My teacher informed my parents that very few children were able to complete the ESOL program and fully immerse themselves in the language in such a short period of time. After living in Florida for three years, we moved two more times within the U.S. finally settling on Georgia.
Although I have lived in the United States for several years, I still visit Spain frequently. Every time I visit, I encounter differences that make me realize the variations between my cultures. Oftentimes I find myself staring at signs that read “cerrado” “closed” in the middle of the day. This often shocks me, because my American upbringing has instilled in me a sense of capitalism and industrialization. My cousin and I have several spirited debates about the American system verses the Spanish system, where I proudly defend our way of life. However, after these debates I always acknowledge her side, and think of it as a unique difference between us, instead of a reason to fight. The Spanish people are accustomed to this way of life; their goal is not to climb the ladder of success or reach the status quo, but to enjoy life in different ways such as celebrating more often, taking more breaks, and having longer vacation times. Honestly, I feel that our way of life is better; I enjoy the idea of climbing the ladder of success, of reaching a high place in society and accomplishing things through hard work and dedication. In one of our many debates my cousin told me, I would much rather sit in the corner of my shabby apartment than have to feel like I need to live up to these high expectations. I respectfully disagree.
Although the Spanish culture has had its influences on me, the Cuban culture has been deeply ingrained in me by my parents throughout my life. My parents have always emphasized the importance of families staying together. They tell me stories of their entire extended families living together under one roof. Of course, in some cases, these types of situations arise out of economic necessity. Why does everyone live in the same home? It is the only one they have. I believe that these situations create strong ties between families, and even if they are able to escape Cuba and form new lives abroad Cubans always try to remain together and help each other whenever possible.
I feel that throughout my life I have had to play a balancing game between my Cuban roots and my American upbringing. Although my parents did not want me to move away to college, I felt it was a necessary step to take towards my independence. Yet I still feel a strong responsibility to my family and to satiate their need for family togetherness. I have constant struggles with my dad because he does not understand why I would want to stay at college instead of making the two hour drive home every weekend. I try to explain to him that most college students do not see their families nearly as often as I see mine. This makes little to no difference to him, because he believes that families should stay together, no matter what. Having these two cultural differences in my life has taught me many lessons on reconciliation.
Despite the fact that I have lived in the United States for the majority of my life, I always carry with me understandings of other cultures and ways of life. These understandings give me the power to see things from different perspectives, as well as the capacity to put myself in other people’s positions. My aptitude for learning languages and my ability to speak two languages fluently also opens many doors in terms of my capability to help others. I know xxx of Law prides itself on being diverse; I believe I will be able to add to that diversity in a positive and unique way.
As I stared out of the unsteady plane window, hoping that we would land safely in the Miami airport, I watched the island of Cuba slowly disappear below me. I contemplated how in a short thirty-five minute plane ride you could arrive in a completely different world. A world stuck in the past and stricken by poverty, yet beautiful in its own way. This was my parents’ world, where they grew up and lived for a substantial portion of their lives. My parents constantly remind me of the struggles and difficulties of living in Cuba, and they have strived to provide a better life for my brother and me. Although I will never be able to tell my children of having to go get water in a bucket in order to shower, or how I was placed in a boarding school at the age of 11, I will be able to tell a different story of my own experiences and challenges.
Throughout my life, I have moved several times, but no move was more impacting than the transatlantic flight from Madrid, Spain to the United States. As a seven year old the English language came naturally to me, and after a short six months I was able to thrive in the American school system. My teacher informed my parents that very few children were able to complete the ESOL program and fully immerse themselves in the language in such a short period of time. After living in Florida for three years, we moved two more times within the U.S. finally settling on Georgia.
Although I have lived in the United States for several years, I still visit Spain frequently. Every time I visit, I encounter differences that make me realize the variations between my cultures. Oftentimes I find myself staring at signs that read “cerrado” “closed” in the middle of the day. This often shocks me, because my American upbringing has instilled in me a sense of capitalism and industrialization. My cousin and I have several spirited debates about the American system verses the Spanish system, where I proudly defend our way of life. However, after these debates I always acknowledge her side, and think of it as a unique difference between us, instead of a reason to fight. The Spanish people are accustomed to this way of life; their goal is not to climb the ladder of success or reach the status quo, but to enjoy life in different ways such as celebrating more often, taking more breaks, and having longer vacation times. Honestly, I feel that our way of life is better; I enjoy the idea of climbing the ladder of success, of reaching a high place in society and accomplishing things through hard work and dedication. In one of our many debates my cousin told me, I would much rather sit in the corner of my shabby apartment than have to feel like I need to live up to these high expectations. I respectfully disagree.
Although the Spanish culture has had its influences on me, the Cuban culture has been deeply ingrained in me by my parents throughout my life. My parents have always emphasized the importance of families staying together. They tell me stories of their entire extended families living together under one roof. Of course, in some cases, these types of situations arise out of economic necessity. Why does everyone live in the same home? It is the only one they have. I believe that these situations create strong ties between families, and even if they are able to escape Cuba and form new lives abroad Cubans always try to remain together and help each other whenever possible.
I feel that throughout my life I have had to play a balancing game between my Cuban roots and my American upbringing. Although my parents did not want me to move away to college, I felt it was a necessary step to take towards my independence. Yet I still feel a strong responsibility to my family and to satiate their need for family togetherness. I have constant struggles with my dad because he does not understand why I would want to stay at college instead of making the two hour drive home every weekend. I try to explain to him that most college students do not see their families nearly as often as I see mine. This makes little to no difference to him, because he believes that families should stay together, no matter what. Having these two cultural differences in my life has taught me many lessons on reconciliation.
Despite the fact that I have lived in the United States for the majority of my life, I always carry with me understandings of other cultures and ways of life. These understandings give me the power to see things from different perspectives, as well as the capacity to put myself in other people’s positions. My aptitude for learning languages and my ability to speak two languages fluently also opens many doors in terms of my capability to help others. I know xxx of Law prides itself on being diverse; I believe I will be able to add to that diversity in a positive and unique way.