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An abandoned cobweb sways against the window on a cool autumn afternoon in September, the origin of its movements come from a moderately small beetle that accidently flew on the web. After pushing and struggling to break free, the beetle rests for a couple of seconds before it continues to unlatch its tiny leg from the sticky web. After much struggle and persistence the beetle remains where it started, stuck to this web. What is intriguing about the beetle’s actions is its determination, persistence, and courage to attempt to release itself from this cobweb.

Like the beetle, my strengths originate from an ingrained determination that allows me to accomplish what I set my mind to. While many would agree that success could be achieved through experience, I believe that experiences, while it can lead to success, aids but does not by default create who you are and what you will accomplish. Inner determination is something that cannot be taught or learned. It activates when put in a situation that triggers its response.

Growing up, I always valued the times I spent with my father. These times were not always frequent because my mother and father separated when I was a very young girl. Yet they were cordial enough for my brother and I to able to see him from time to time. There were many disappointed moments I had with him. Like that one weekend when he was suppose to pick my brother and I up so that we could spend some quality time and he never showed up. Or when I sent him an invitation to my college graduation and he declined to attend just because I wrote a personal handwritten message to accompany the invitation. These circumstances would leave me with many questions that I never found the answer to. I blamed myself because it happened but it never shook my spirit to the point where I decided that I wanted nothing to do with him. Most of the effort to establish contact has been made on my part so anything that was done or hasn't been done wasn't a major shock. However, I wanted answers. I was not content with crying myself to sleep without receiving some reasons into his mindset on why he did what he did.

Soon after this demand for answers and explanations just left me in circles. But like the beetle, I never gave up...

rinkrat19 wrote:I think you're attributing too much motive and conscious thought to the beetle's behavior. It's not struggling out of perseverance or determination; it's struggling because it, like all living things, has an instinctive sense of self-preservation. It will struggle until it escapes, gets eaten, or dies of exhaustion.

So, to compare yourself to the beetle is a little...weird, to me. One hopes that you have made more of a conscious decision to persevere through your own obstacles than a mindless insect just struggling because its lower-order nervous system is stuck on 'must not die must not die must not die.' The struggling beetle literally has no goals beyond 'escape' (until/unless it escapes and then it switches to 'eat') and no lofty plans for its future. I don't think it's a flattering metaphor as currently written. It might work a little better if you acknowledge that your struggles are, in fact, very different from a stuck beetle's struggles, even if sometimes you have felt like that beetle.

I know you said that you didn't want grammar critiques yet, but in a general way: you have incomplete sentences, missing semicolons, verb/subject disagreement, and overly informal language. When you do have a complete draft, have someone do a thorough edit.

CanadianWolf wrote:Very revealing essay. Based on your fascination with the trapped beetle's struggles & on your lack of assistance to the beetle fighting for survival, I think that you have the necessary ingredients to succeed at certain occupations.

kublaikahn wrote:Ironically, your beetle will die in the web. Your analogy fails on that ground. He struggles in vain, eventually gives up, and dies.

Also, something that is "ingrained" and something that "cannot be taught or learned" are not logical opposites. You can learn something that you never forget, and thus, it becomes ingrained. Do you mean innate? So there are born winners and born losers? Your paper takes on a philosophical depth that many may not agree with.

thederangedwang wrote:the main problem with your beetle analogy is that it rests on a faulty assumption.....

you assume that the beetle is trying to escape because it is determined or something like that, when in fact, it is trying to escape due to its instinct for survival (which every organism has)

as a result, because this instinct is a trait shared by everything, your analogy falls apart since you are therefor nothing special...having this trait does not make u stand out