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Please don't quote, I'm going to take it down after a few comments. If you'd like me to look at yours, feel free to PM me.

Just skimmed quickly, but I think I like it overall, just hate the last half of the concluding sentence. Please, please end with something else.

DELETE: ",and I wouldn't have it any other way." Better to save that phrase for use when placing an order at Burger King.

Overall this is a predictable & simplistic PS that is as common as it is shallow.

CanadianWolf wrote:DELETE: ",and I wouldn't have it any other way." Better to save that phrase for use when placing an order at Burger King.

Would you recommend that for just the end, or both times (the beginning of the 3rd paragraph as well)?

Thanks for the help

I was referring to the final sentence. Unfortunately, your personal statement essay is a bit jingoistic & unoriginal which presents you in a superficial light.

It should be noted that you are a skilled writer & should do well in law school, in my opinion. Your personal statement lacks depth, however.

CanadianWolf wrote:It should be noted that you are a skilled writer & should do well in law school, in my opinion. Your personal statement lacks depth, however.

Thanks for taking time to review it, it was still my first (revised/edited) draft, but I'm going to try to convey myself differently on another draft.