Personal Statement for Revision
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 11:31 am
Please read this statement and provide feedback. This is my second draft and I need someone to provide suggested improvements. positive feedback only please.
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Winners never quit and quitters never win.
- Anon
In my junior year I held the office of Vice President of Academic Affairs, the second highest office a student can hold, for my University’s SGA (Student Government Association). When our yearly election time came around many of the faculty, staff and student organization leaders encouraged me to run for the office of President of SGA. After mulling it over for a month I decided I was knowledgeable and eager enough to win and be successful in the position. My plan was to combine methods used in my campaign for Vice President of SGA and Homecoming King, which were both very successful, to win this highly coveted Presidential office. I was a political machine, spending all of my spare time attending events, rallying supporters, and taking campus campaigning to new heights. A week before the voting polls opened I suited up for my last televised debate of the campaign. As I took my place behind the podium I began to understand how Kennedy felt when he debated Nixon in the 1960 televised Presidential debate, as he watched his competitor waver under the piercing crowed and heat stroking camera lights. I laid out my accomplishments of repealing a 13 year school mandated swim test, growing campus environmental consciousness, voicing student expectations during the hiring committee meetings for the University’s new Head Master, and more. In addition, I continued to push my platform of lowering student activity fees, creating a better means of communication between the Financial Aid office and student body, and fostering a bond between the campus and neighboring businesses. After two days of voting the polls closed, and the SGA Advisor stood to announce the new SGA officers. I smiled because I was convinced my winning methods were as certain as death and taxes. Thirty minutes later I was shaking the hand of the other guy.
I began relating my experience on the SGA campaign trail to my motivations and desires on campus and in my personal life. I asked myself “why was I running for President or putting efforts into being a public servant; what was I looking to accomplish?” From this question I gathered three conclusions; 1) I was determined to leave a lasting legacy, 2) I wanted to be the leader of a people who focused on making life better for others, and 3) I wanted to achieve heights that no member of my family had ever reached. At that moment I made a promise to myself that I will meet my goals, one step at a time and be the captain of my own destiny.
That summer going into my senior year I built a base of student and faculty supporters, called upon friends from universities such as; University of Georgia, Georgia Technology University and Harvard School of Business, and drafted a detailed constitution to start a new campus organization. Two months into the Fall semester I received an official charter establishing Black Student Union (BSU) as a new organization on my campus. As President of this new organization I pushed “Eight Pillars of Unity”: self cultural awareness, effective leadership, community service, scholarship, coalition building, social awareness, political awareness, and economic empowerment. By BSU’s second semester on campus it had risen as the premier organization for minorities on campus. I utilized my organizational capacity, personal relations skills, and most of all my personal drive to build an organization that is fundamentally built to impact the lives of students long after my college days are done. Though I did not win my bid for President of SGA I was able to evaluate my motifs and successfully reach my underlying goals.
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Winners never quit and quitters never win.
- Anon
In my junior year I held the office of Vice President of Academic Affairs, the second highest office a student can hold, for my University’s SGA (Student Government Association). When our yearly election time came around many of the faculty, staff and student organization leaders encouraged me to run for the office of President of SGA. After mulling it over for a month I decided I was knowledgeable and eager enough to win and be successful in the position. My plan was to combine methods used in my campaign for Vice President of SGA and Homecoming King, which were both very successful, to win this highly coveted Presidential office. I was a political machine, spending all of my spare time attending events, rallying supporters, and taking campus campaigning to new heights. A week before the voting polls opened I suited up for my last televised debate of the campaign. As I took my place behind the podium I began to understand how Kennedy felt when he debated Nixon in the 1960 televised Presidential debate, as he watched his competitor waver under the piercing crowed and heat stroking camera lights. I laid out my accomplishments of repealing a 13 year school mandated swim test, growing campus environmental consciousness, voicing student expectations during the hiring committee meetings for the University’s new Head Master, and more. In addition, I continued to push my platform of lowering student activity fees, creating a better means of communication between the Financial Aid office and student body, and fostering a bond between the campus and neighboring businesses. After two days of voting the polls closed, and the SGA Advisor stood to announce the new SGA officers. I smiled because I was convinced my winning methods were as certain as death and taxes. Thirty minutes later I was shaking the hand of the other guy.
I began relating my experience on the SGA campaign trail to my motivations and desires on campus and in my personal life. I asked myself “why was I running for President or putting efforts into being a public servant; what was I looking to accomplish?” From this question I gathered three conclusions; 1) I was determined to leave a lasting legacy, 2) I wanted to be the leader of a people who focused on making life better for others, and 3) I wanted to achieve heights that no member of my family had ever reached. At that moment I made a promise to myself that I will meet my goals, one step at a time and be the captain of my own destiny.
That summer going into my senior year I built a base of student and faculty supporters, called upon friends from universities such as; University of Georgia, Georgia Technology University and Harvard School of Business, and drafted a detailed constitution to start a new campus organization. Two months into the Fall semester I received an official charter establishing Black Student Union (BSU) as a new organization on my campus. As President of this new organization I pushed “Eight Pillars of Unity”: self cultural awareness, effective leadership, community service, scholarship, coalition building, social awareness, political awareness, and economic empowerment. By BSU’s second semester on campus it had risen as the premier organization for minorities on campus. I utilized my organizational capacity, personal relations skills, and most of all my personal drive to build an organization that is fundamentally built to impact the lives of students long after my college days are done. Though I did not win my bid for President of SGA I was able to evaluate my motifs and successfully reach my underlying goals.