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this statement is supposed to be character driven and hopefully answers why i would make a good law student.
i am worried it sounds too much like a creative writing piece and lacks substance. please dont quote directly, i intend to take it down in a few hours after some opinions.

thoughts? and thank you
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think im gunna keep it. thanks y'all.

opinions? pleaseee?

I really like the story - as a story. It just needs something more imo to make it work as a PS. What do I know though, I'm still struggling to make my own PS work.

Interesting & enjoyable to read. Memorable. Should stir interest in your application. Adaptability to new circumstances & the capacity to teach oneself are valuable skills for law students & for the practice of law. In my opinion, this personal statement should help your law school applications.

Very interesting PS and enjoyed the story - it is very well written and you are a good writer. However, I am left wanting to know more about your accomplishments (other than bike riding), and why you want to go to law school. It does read more like a story than a personal statement. If you can cut down a bit on the narrative aspect and metaphor and instead talk more about your accomplishments in the classroom in Indonesia, as well as "why law". It's not required, but could make it sound more like a PS.

I really liked your essay but I think you should take away the story about Fahri and replace it with something that provides a more concrete connection to law school. Talk about what your experience in Indonesia meant for you, aside from what you mention about biking. This was a really compelling PS to read but I think the "step further" is to take your experience outside of Indonesia and bring it back to who you are and what your goals are. Hope that helps.

The OP's experience with Fahri demonstrated resourcefulness & resiliency.

CanadianWolf wrote:The OP's experience with Fahri demonstrated resourcefulness & resiliency.

I'm sure, but by the time I got to that part of the narrative I was looking for something different and was a little tired of the anecdotes. She could keep this story and put it earlier in the PS, I just suggested taking it out because it was at the end and the rest of the essay (in my opinion) flowed really well.

I like it. Good story.

A lot of posters want PS-es to explicitly say "I have x quality." Conversely, interviews with deans and adcom members say the opposite - show, don't tell.

Anybody can write a PS claiming many wonderful things.

Few can write a PS that illustrates a few of those things convincingly, while demonstrating writing ability.

Keep it up.

thanks for the tips/ liking it/not liking it, haha.

i think i'm done.