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MillerTime12 wrote:Hi all. I'm a long time lurker, but a first time poster. Below is the first draft of my PS. If anyone has time to look it over, I'd be very appreciative! Thanks!

I'm worried that some parts, in spite of their honesty, reflect poorly on me. Also, the last paragraph might be a bit over the top. I don't want the admission counselors to roll their eyes...

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I became a father at the age of nineteen. It was on August 1, 2009, mere weeks before I would return to SCHOOL for my sophomore year, that my son NAME was born. While other students had spent their summer in a state of carefree bliss at beaches and parties, I had spent mine building a nursery, “baby-proofing” my house, and attending child-care classes. Perhaps needless to say, my life had taken a turn that I never could have imaginedin my most fantastic dreams.

Though I have been asked often, it is difficult to articulate exactly how I felt when I first discovered I was to become a teenage parent. I remember holding my girlfriend ever so tightly, both of us crying as we saw our lives crumbling before our very eyes. We were both raised with the commonly held,yet distinctly flawed Unless you talk about this later, it's an unnecessary editorial perception that becoming a teenage parent is an economic death sentence. It meant that dreams had to be abandoned and that we would most certainly struggle for the rest of our lives, barely able to make it from paycheck to paycheck. When the news broke (and it certainly was news), I could feel my community I know what you're trying to say, but I'd find a better word than community. What about...friends and family? Classmates? something like that. judging me. I was no longer looked upon with pride admired as the high school salutatorian, the one who might just escape this rural city and create a better future life.. Instead, I was now being written off as just another teen father, inevitably doomed tofail failure.

Admittedly,I was scared, nervous, and anxious I feel like anxiety and nervousness are pretty much the exact same...if not, they are definitely close. I'd cut one. all at once. After all, I was just a freshman in college who still lived still living with his parents and workedworking for minimum wage at the local movie theater. I was in no state not ready to be a father, to have another human being depending depend upon on me. However, I quickly realized that I needed to own up to my irresponsibility I don't like that at all. I'd say, "to accept responsibility for my child" or something like that.. I had no choice but to grow up and embrace parenthood with open arms. My fears and concerns had to be put aside to make room for this little boy who would teach me the true meaning of unconditional love. To put it simply, I was a boy trying to be a man. Too sappy.

Even though I anticipated life as a student-parent to be challenging, I had no idea what was in store how difficult it would be.. While most students struggle to balance classes, work, and extracurricular commitments, I have been forced to do this as a supplement to supporting (financially, emotionally, and physically) an infant. Classes were missed and assignments were turned in late. I will not deny that this has been and continues to be a struggle. Just being away from NAME makes it difficult to focus on the task at hand. Thanks in large part to an incredible support network, I have been able to overcome and grow as a result though. My exemplary GPA, notable work experience, and numerous extracurricular leadership positions attest to the fact that my newfound paternal role has certainly accelerated my capacity to manage time and priorities. A little braggy. Find a way to say this without sounding too proud of yourself, and I think it'll be a bit better.

I believe that becoming a father as an undergraduate is both a hardship that I have overcome as well as my greatest accomplishment. great sentence: I think it very much encapsulates what you're trying to express in this essay, which is a great way to open a closing paragraph. To be sure, having a son has changed the way I perceive the world. My son has allowed me to realize a purpose in life outside of myself. Awkward sentence. I don't entirely understand what you're trying to say, here. Coming from a blue-collar family that has yet to produce to a bachelor’s degree college graduate, I know that I want something better for my son. As a society, we seem stuck in the perception that what someone is born into is, inevitably, what he/she becomes. are you sure we really believe that? Also, awkward sentence. Also, -10 points for "he/she." You can easily rewrite this sentence to be gender neutral by making the "someone" a plural. If this is unclear, just ask me and I'll clarify. By attending law school, I hope to break this vicious cycle ugly cliche. Not only do I envision a life for me in which I exceed the accomplishments of my parents, but I also envision a life for NAME in which he achieves things I could only begin to imagine another ugly cliche. . I will work diligently as a father, student, and lawyer with my only impetus word choice being the hope that my efforts somehow enable NAME to be someone so much greater than me.