Please Critique PS and diversity statement for URM Hispanic
Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:59 pm
First time posting here, hopefully I do it correctly. I am submitting a PS and Diversity statement combined. This is my first draft, so I am not sure whether or not I am heading in the right direction, or placing enough emphasis on my qualities. I do feel that my conclusion is weak. I tailored it towards ASU which is my number one choice, but will alter it for other schools. Anyways, here it is....
...Drenched in sweat, legs weak and feet past the numbing sensation are the earliest memories I have with my mom. I see her just keep bustling on and wonder why she would not get tired as we solicited houses, apartment complexes and laundry mats located in south Phoenix, Arizona. We journeyed through these places to collect payments from customers that we sold gold or silver bracelets, rings and necklaces to weeks ago. This was not an everyday occurrence, but rather my weekend activities since the Head Start Program, which provides comprehensive education for low-income children, was not available on the weekends. In her eyes, it was the best way a Mexican mother of three who speaks no English could earn money while my father worked all day as a mechanic. As you can imagine, I had to grow up fast. Helping out the family was not seen as a chore nor ever questioned, but simply just an expectation. My parents engrained in me the value of education through lecture and personal example which came into full effect at the peak of my family’s success.
My mother came from Durango, Mexico from a family of 13, while my father originated from Chihuahua, Mexico from a family of 11. While she was only able to receive a sixth grade education in order to work to help the family, he was fortunate enough to graduate high school and be accepted into college to pursue a legal career. However, he had to post pone his plan indefinitely to work and be a provider. A moral dilemma faced my father: cross into the United States to provide a better opportunity for his family or face the harsh conditions of Mexico’s poverty? Choosing the former, they crossed and eventually granted citizenship through the Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986.
The light at the end of the tunnel grew brighter as my father was able to purchase his own auto repair shop and open the XXX, a Mexican restaurant next door that my mom would help manage. From the success of the both business’s we expanded and acquired more locations, but transformed them into banquet halls and concert venues to accommodate the fast growing Latino population. I recall having various roles that included security guard, ticket clerk and conduct inventory after the concerts on weekends. This not so usual upbringing and being established into the industry as much as possible exposed me to business aspect of the Hispanic community. I witnessed the Hispanic culture of Phoenix, AZ burst from a small bubble to a substantial population. As a result, our living situation bettered and our lives reflected the iconic American dream. My family mirrored that hard work truly pays off. Still, hard work can only get you so far before mistakes start occurring from lack of knowledge and education.
Valentine’s Day Monday, February, 14th XXXX was an unforgettable moment in my family’s lives’ for the wrong reason. Finishing our third and most successful concert of the year on Saturday, we went out to dinner Sunday night to celebrate the holiday and the company’s triumph. Monday morning I woke up and drove off with my ten year old brother to school yet, I knew something was different the second I veered out my neighborhood and a police car starting following me, subsequently pulling me. After asking for my license and registration, he fired off interrogating questions concerning my family, house and relatives, followed by broadcasting into his dispatcher “It’s clear, move in”. Demanding I step out of the vehicle he finally explained that my house was seized by the SWAT team and my parents were under arrest for several felony charges. Overwhelmed with confusion, revelation, and anxiety I stood petrified as he continued to ask specific question about my family. All I could think was, do I answer the questions? Do I tell my little brother? Do I head back to help our parents?
We went from living a flourishing life blossoming with certainty to a life languished with moving into my sister’s apartment, followed by five different homes in four years. My parent’s lack of education mixed with not being able to speak or write English finally caught up with them.
Hindered by my family’s ignorance of the law, I made sure it would not affect my college learning and experiences. Forced to become financially independent, I found harmony through my courses and involvement in my fraternity. I used my precocious upbringing and shaped it into leadership qualities to aid in my fraternity’s governing structure and networking goals by being elected an executive member. My acclimatization into the Hispanic community compelled me to succeed in both justice classes and Spanish classes.
As an undergraduate as Arizona State University, I distinguished myself as a capable leader and an excellent student. My goal is to take advantage of the opportunities that XYX College of Law offers with these talents. I am especially interested in the areas that focus on my interests and background like the Immigration Law and Policy clinic and the Chicano/Latino Law Student Association. Further, as a student, the Legal Method and Writing Program will hone my writing skills and build a solid foundation for successful communication in the legal field. Both of these programs along with my determination and passion to achieve what my family has never had will shape me to succeed as the lawyer I will be tomorrow...
...Drenched in sweat, legs weak and feet past the numbing sensation are the earliest memories I have with my mom. I see her just keep bustling on and wonder why she would not get tired as we solicited houses, apartment complexes and laundry mats located in south Phoenix, Arizona. We journeyed through these places to collect payments from customers that we sold gold or silver bracelets, rings and necklaces to weeks ago. This was not an everyday occurrence, but rather my weekend activities since the Head Start Program, which provides comprehensive education for low-income children, was not available on the weekends. In her eyes, it was the best way a Mexican mother of three who speaks no English could earn money while my father worked all day as a mechanic. As you can imagine, I had to grow up fast. Helping out the family was not seen as a chore nor ever questioned, but simply just an expectation. My parents engrained in me the value of education through lecture and personal example which came into full effect at the peak of my family’s success.
My mother came from Durango, Mexico from a family of 13, while my father originated from Chihuahua, Mexico from a family of 11. While she was only able to receive a sixth grade education in order to work to help the family, he was fortunate enough to graduate high school and be accepted into college to pursue a legal career. However, he had to post pone his plan indefinitely to work and be a provider. A moral dilemma faced my father: cross into the United States to provide a better opportunity for his family or face the harsh conditions of Mexico’s poverty? Choosing the former, they crossed and eventually granted citizenship through the Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986.
The light at the end of the tunnel grew brighter as my father was able to purchase his own auto repair shop and open the XXX, a Mexican restaurant next door that my mom would help manage. From the success of the both business’s we expanded and acquired more locations, but transformed them into banquet halls and concert venues to accommodate the fast growing Latino population. I recall having various roles that included security guard, ticket clerk and conduct inventory after the concerts on weekends. This not so usual upbringing and being established into the industry as much as possible exposed me to business aspect of the Hispanic community. I witnessed the Hispanic culture of Phoenix, AZ burst from a small bubble to a substantial population. As a result, our living situation bettered and our lives reflected the iconic American dream. My family mirrored that hard work truly pays off. Still, hard work can only get you so far before mistakes start occurring from lack of knowledge and education.
Valentine’s Day Monday, February, 14th XXXX was an unforgettable moment in my family’s lives’ for the wrong reason. Finishing our third and most successful concert of the year on Saturday, we went out to dinner Sunday night to celebrate the holiday and the company’s triumph. Monday morning I woke up and drove off with my ten year old brother to school yet, I knew something was different the second I veered out my neighborhood and a police car starting following me, subsequently pulling me. After asking for my license and registration, he fired off interrogating questions concerning my family, house and relatives, followed by broadcasting into his dispatcher “It’s clear, move in”. Demanding I step out of the vehicle he finally explained that my house was seized by the SWAT team and my parents were under arrest for several felony charges. Overwhelmed with confusion, revelation, and anxiety I stood petrified as he continued to ask specific question about my family. All I could think was, do I answer the questions? Do I tell my little brother? Do I head back to help our parents?
We went from living a flourishing life blossoming with certainty to a life languished with moving into my sister’s apartment, followed by five different homes in four years. My parent’s lack of education mixed with not being able to speak or write English finally caught up with them.
Hindered by my family’s ignorance of the law, I made sure it would not affect my college learning and experiences. Forced to become financially independent, I found harmony through my courses and involvement in my fraternity. I used my precocious upbringing and shaped it into leadership qualities to aid in my fraternity’s governing structure and networking goals by being elected an executive member. My acclimatization into the Hispanic community compelled me to succeed in both justice classes and Spanish classes.
As an undergraduate as Arizona State University, I distinguished myself as a capable leader and an excellent student. My goal is to take advantage of the opportunities that XYX College of Law offers with these talents. I am especially interested in the areas that focus on my interests and background like the Immigration Law and Policy clinic and the Chicano/Latino Law Student Association. Further, as a student, the Legal Method and Writing Program will hone my writing skills and build a solid foundation for successful communication in the legal field. Both of these programs along with my determination and passion to achieve what my family has never had will shape me to succeed as the lawyer I will be tomorrow...