First-time poster looking for feedback on PS
Posted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:56 pm
Hi! I'm a long-time lurker, first-time poster looking for feedback on my personal statement (posted below). After a rough first year of school, I graduated with a sub-par GPA (3.10), majoring in Business Administration and minoring in Political Science. I took the February LSAT and did very average, although I'm planning to re-take in June and/or October with the hopes of getting into a good Public Interest law school (CUNY, Northeastern, etc.) next cycle. Since my numbers aren't anything special, I realize the need to have good "softs", my personal statement being one of them. That being said, I appreciate any constructive criticism you're willing to provide. It currently sits at 2 1/2 pages (double-spaced, size 12 font). I tried to be as concise as possible without sacrificing key elements of my narrative, which is one based on adversity. Thanks for reading!
"Rediscovering Optimism"
Helen Keller once said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” These inspirational words articulated by Keller helped me reconcile with my misfortunes and ultimately lead me in my path toward law school.
My mother was forty-seven years old when she died on May 15, 2004. She had breast cancer, a disease that had plagued her for what seemed like my entire life. She battled the disease twice before, once when I was six years old and again, when I was eleven. Each time she fought with fierce tenacity and her relentlessness was a source of inspiration for my younger sister and I and all of those around us. My mother was hands down the toughest person I knew and when it was known that the cancer had come back a third time I was scared, but confident. Little did I know, by the time it was discovered, it had already metastasized to her liver and brain, leaving nothing but fear for the inevitable. It was only a matter of time before I lost one of the most important people in my life, and perhaps my greatest hero.
With my mom gone and my parents legally separated, I was now (literally) the man of the house. At seventeen, I found myself thrust into a world full of newfound responsibilities and independence. In a few weeks I would be graduating high school, starting my first semester of college, and yet I was still very much grieving the loss of my mother while struggling to come to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t be there to see me take that next step. Despite grief counseling services and a support group full of my closest friends and family, depression was quick to set in and consume what little optimism I had intact.
My first year of school was marred by disappointment. I seemed content with mediocrity and was still depressed, unmotivated, and cynical towards the future. To escape my dark reality, I took to reading and read for hours a day, often about the distress of others to distract me from my own. I felt defeated, like my mother did during the last few weeks of her life, and sought refuge in literary works and stories of various authors and public figures including: Anne Frank, Lincoln, Voltaire, Shakespeare and many others. That’s when I discovered Keller. It was obvious my depression had temporarily blinded me, shielding me from my own ambitions. I knew I had to make a drastic change if I was going to set a good example for my sister and be the man I had always desired. I stumbled on one of Keller’s earlier essays entitled, “Optimism”, written when she was only twenty-five years old and it completely changed my perspective on life. If Keller could reconcile with her life-altering disabilities and find happiness, surely I could find a way to make peace with the loss of my mother and break my state of depression.
I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself. I knew that if change were to come, I would have to initiate the first move. I started taking a more proactive role at school and enlisted in a multitude of student-led organizations. When confronted with the prospect of leadership, I rose to the occasion and it wasn’t long before I found myself presiding over some of the most prominent groups on campus. My involvement in the community began to grow as well. I collaborated with several progressive non-profit organizations to work on service projects that would help advance public interests and promote revitalization. At that point I knew my confidence had been restored, my optimism rediscovered, and there was no turning back.
There’s no doubt Keller’s words had a profound impact on my life. For me, her essay was much more than purely inspirational and would prove to be a true exercise in self-invention. As I look forward, I envision embracing a career in the field of law fueled by my passion for advocacy and devotion to the interests of the public. If my experience has taught me anything, it’s that the barriers in life are significantly more fragile than they first appear and can be easily brought down with a strong desire to change. There are still many obstacles standing in the way of social justice and human needs, but my faith in myself and others is unwavering. I’ve never been more encouraged, inspired, and optimistic about what lies ahead.
"Rediscovering Optimism"
Helen Keller once said, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” These inspirational words articulated by Keller helped me reconcile with my misfortunes and ultimately lead me in my path toward law school.
My mother was forty-seven years old when she died on May 15, 2004. She had breast cancer, a disease that had plagued her for what seemed like my entire life. She battled the disease twice before, once when I was six years old and again, when I was eleven. Each time she fought with fierce tenacity and her relentlessness was a source of inspiration for my younger sister and I and all of those around us. My mother was hands down the toughest person I knew and when it was known that the cancer had come back a third time I was scared, but confident. Little did I know, by the time it was discovered, it had already metastasized to her liver and brain, leaving nothing but fear for the inevitable. It was only a matter of time before I lost one of the most important people in my life, and perhaps my greatest hero.
With my mom gone and my parents legally separated, I was now (literally) the man of the house. At seventeen, I found myself thrust into a world full of newfound responsibilities and independence. In a few weeks I would be graduating high school, starting my first semester of college, and yet I was still very much grieving the loss of my mother while struggling to come to terms with the fact that she wouldn’t be there to see me take that next step. Despite grief counseling services and a support group full of my closest friends and family, depression was quick to set in and consume what little optimism I had intact.
My first year of school was marred by disappointment. I seemed content with mediocrity and was still depressed, unmotivated, and cynical towards the future. To escape my dark reality, I took to reading and read for hours a day, often about the distress of others to distract me from my own. I felt defeated, like my mother did during the last few weeks of her life, and sought refuge in literary works and stories of various authors and public figures including: Anne Frank, Lincoln, Voltaire, Shakespeare and many others. That’s when I discovered Keller. It was obvious my depression had temporarily blinded me, shielding me from my own ambitions. I knew I had to make a drastic change if I was going to set a good example for my sister and be the man I had always desired. I stumbled on one of Keller’s earlier essays entitled, “Optimism”, written when she was only twenty-five years old and it completely changed my perspective on life. If Keller could reconcile with her life-altering disabilities and find happiness, surely I could find a way to make peace with the loss of my mother and break my state of depression.
I decided it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself. I knew that if change were to come, I would have to initiate the first move. I started taking a more proactive role at school and enlisted in a multitude of student-led organizations. When confronted with the prospect of leadership, I rose to the occasion and it wasn’t long before I found myself presiding over some of the most prominent groups on campus. My involvement in the community began to grow as well. I collaborated with several progressive non-profit organizations to work on service projects that would help advance public interests and promote revitalization. At that point I knew my confidence had been restored, my optimism rediscovered, and there was no turning back.
There’s no doubt Keller’s words had a profound impact on my life. For me, her essay was much more than purely inspirational and would prove to be a true exercise in self-invention. As I look forward, I envision embracing a career in the field of law fueled by my passion for advocacy and devotion to the interests of the public. If my experience has taught me anything, it’s that the barriers in life are significantly more fragile than they first appear and can be easily brought down with a strong desire to change. There are still many obstacles standing in the way of social justice and human needs, but my faith in myself and others is unwavering. I’ve never been more encouraged, inspired, and optimistic about what lies ahead.
