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deleted since i've already submitted thanks again

Courageous. I'll look at it tomorrow and give feeback

Thank you both for reading it. I look forward to the feedback!

The format of this didn't work. You open up on such a negative tone, that even though you do discuss your triumphs thereafter, the negativity sets the tone for the entire PS, and I never got a sense of you in a positive light. I'd recommend a totally new format:

Para 1: A triumphant anecdote. (Perhaps your marriage?) Then transition into your past "In retrospect, to achieve such happiness today is quite pleasing...)

Para 2: "As a child...talk about your bad family life" Transition into how Ms. Doe acted like a parental figure for you.

Para 3:Your hope and inspiration: Ms. (Doe) and how she inspired you to accomplish etc etc. Transition into Ms. Doe's death, but how that inspired you even more.

Para 4: "When Ms. Doe died last fall, my source of inspiration grew stronger. Transition into taking full advantage of your abilities through law, putting your past behind you, and looking towards the future.

Para 5: Conclusion. Revert back to the marriage, and discuss how your stability today is quite a transition from your remarkable/terrible past. Here, you can reminisce and really tie in each para previously discussed.

I love unique personal stories in a PS. Just sometimes it takes some reformatting to get our word across to adcomms. I'd be happy to PM you my PS...it could give you a sense of how I tweaked my own personal story.

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