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thanks.

I know it's bad...any comments at all would help a lot

combine the first 3 paragraphs into one. forgo unnecessary detail.

instead of merely throwing out names of influential figures you interviewed, go into a little bit of detail on what you learned by interviewing them. Talk a bit more about these experiences...

your very last sentence makes it seem like you are not sure about law school i.e. usage of term "crossroads"

transitions could be better.

gothamm wrote:combine the first 3 paragraphs into one. forgo unnecessary detail.

instead of merely throwing out names of influential figures you interviewed, go into a little bit of detail on what you learned by interviewing them. Talk a bit more about these experiences...

your very last sentence makes it seem like you are not sure about law school i.e. usage of term "crossroads"

transitions could be better.

Thanks a lot...great advice. Also, any idea how I could wrap it up?

gothamm wrote:combine the first 3 paragraphs into one. forgo unnecessary detail.

instead of merely throwing out names of influential figures you interviewed, go into a little bit of detail on what you learned by interviewing them. Talk a bit more about these experiences...

your very last sentence makes it seem like you are not sure about law school i.e. usage of term "crossroads"

transitions could be better.

I thought your PS was pretty decent, though +1 about gothamm's comments.
You should end your PS on a positive note, maybe elaborating on how your experience significantly swayed your decision to go to law school. Just make sure to end it positiely and in a way you want to be remembered.

DCLaw11 wrote:

gothamm wrote:combine the first 3 paragraphs into one. forgo unnecessary detail.

instead of merely throwing out names of influential figures you interviewed, go into a little bit of detail on what you learned by interviewing them. Talk a bit more about these experiences...

your very last sentence makes it seem like you are not sure about law school i.e. usage of term "crossroads"

transitions could be better.

I thought your PS was pretty decent, though +1 about gothamm's comments.
You should end your PS on a positive note, maybe elaborating on how your experience significantly swayed your decision to go to law school. Just make sure to end it positiely and in a way you want to be remembered.

What are you thoughts on this ending?

Throughout my journalism career, from interviewing politicians in BLANK to legal experts in BLANK, I learned a great deal about the legal profession. The most important message that I carry today is that every person should be treated fairly. With a law degree I will raise this message to heights far beyond the reach of journalism and represent the underrepresented such as my friends back at the printing plant.

nodummy wrote:
What are you thoughts on this ending?

Throughout my journalism career, from interviewing politicians in BLANK to legal experts in BLANK, I learned a great deal about the legal profession. The most important message that I carry today is that every person should be treated fairly. With a law degree I will raise this message to heights far beyond the reach of journalism and represent the underrepresented such as my friends back at the printing plant.

Sentence 2: "The most important message that I carry today is that every person should be treated fairly." Something about this sentence feels awkward. I feel like it jumps into a new idea too quick, or it doesn't flow well.

If you could fix that sentence or add one before it to logically tie together sentences 1 and 2, I feel that your paragraph could wrap up the PS concisely. Thoughts, anyone else?