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Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:28 pm
by Its the gel man
radio edit

Re: First Draft! Please critique

Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:38 pm
by berto24
I got lost in the second and third paragraph. I think you have good content, but cut out a lot of the redundant explanations about travel and get to why you want to go to law school.

Also the Spanish immigrant comment in the last paragraph, what does that pertain to? I don't see a connection.

Re: First Draft! Please critique

Posted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 5:44 pm
by Its the gel man
Hmm... Well I obviosly didn't explain myself well. The immigrant comment pertains to me returning to the US and reaching out to the Latino community and trying to help them assimilate etc.

Thanks for the quick reply

Re: First Draft! Please critique

Posted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 8:10 am
by Its the gel man
anyone else?