Can someoone please give me feedback on my draft?
Posted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 5:13 pm
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
I struggled to hold back my tears as the victim’s mother spoke about her son. She was filled with grief as she explained the circumstances surrounding his death. This case was not the typical drug deal gone wrong or domestic violence dispute. An unarmed 17 year old boy had been shot and killed while breaking into a house. He and his family were illegal immigrants, and were about to be evicted from their residence. In a moment of desperation, the young man broke into a house to try to obtain money for his family.
I spent my days helping the prosecutors gather the facts of the case and prepare their arguments. As I sifted through the information, I thought about the larger problem behind this crime. The young man’s inability to obtain legitimate employment made him feel like he had no option other than to steal. A young man’s death may have been prevented had the family been able to get the paperwork necessary to get a job. This issue hit close to home since my father is a Cuban immigrant.
My father spent years toiling over rolls of fabric and slaving away over steaming irons in a sewing factory. One of my favorite childhood memories is riding around on the forklift with his co-worker Jorge-Luis. My father’s status as a citizen put him at an advantage over his coworkers. As I grew up, I saw him transform from a factory worker who would leave before sunrise each morning to a successful businessman with awards lining the walls of his office.
The circumstances have changed, but I still on occasion accompany my father to business meetings. A few years ago, on the way back from a meeting, we stopped for lunch at a small restaurant by my father’s old factory. I was thrilled to run into Jorge-Luis. The encounter turned bittersweet as I discovered that he was still a factory worker living paycheck to paycheck. The only difference between my father and his friend was citizenship. My father was able to improve his standard of living, while Jorge-Luis could not.
Around the same time, I went to the nearby town of Immokalee to work with Habitat for Humanity. I laid sod alongside a family who would be receiving a home and they told me about friends of theirs who were illegal farm workers in the area. The family felt terrible that they would receive a new home while their friends struggled to feed their children. The story reminded me of my father’s friend Jorge-Luis. I became intrigued and did some research on Immokalee. I was astonished when I realized that the area was known to contain slavery rings made up of immigrant workers who could not obtain legitimate employment due to their status as illegal immigrants.
It became my mission to help immigrants escape these cruel conditions. I learned that produce from these farms is distributed to the supermarkets in the area and that an increase in the price supermarkets pay for the produce would directly increase the wages of these workers. I formed a volunteer group to pressure local supermarkets to pay higher rates for produce. We wrote letters to store owners and handed out flyers to shoppers. While I felt accomplished in raising awareness to this issue, I knew I wanted to address the root of the problem rather than just the side effects.
I continued to follow news about the farm workers. After reading an article discussing the state attorney prosecuting the leaders of the local slavery rings, I pursued an internship with the State Attorney’s office. I observed many cases concerning illegal immigrants. Some were minor violations such as driving without a driver’s license and some were tragic such as the death of the 17 year old boy. They all however, shared a common thread; they were preventable in nature. For the most part, these people weren’t criminals that needed to be punished, they were trying to survive in a country where their presence is not legally recognized, making things as simple as acquiring a driver’s license impossible. Technicalities such as this lead to an overloaded and inefficient court system. The disconnect affects the lives of immigrants daily but also affects society at large through these avenues.
I believe that a degree in law would give me the tools to help bridge this gap. I have seen firsthand the impact of citizenship through witnessing my father overcome the obstacles in his life while his friend could not. My experiences have led me to law, which I believe will be the most effective way to make a difference. I believe the education I would attain at _____ Law School would provide me with an excellent foundation to act as an advocate for those in need.
I struggled to hold back my tears as the victim’s mother spoke about her son. She was filled with grief as she explained the circumstances surrounding his death. This case was not the typical drug deal gone wrong or domestic violence dispute. An unarmed 17 year old boy had been shot and killed while breaking into a house. He and his family were illegal immigrants, and were about to be evicted from their residence. In a moment of desperation, the young man broke into a house to try to obtain money for his family.
I spent my days helping the prosecutors gather the facts of the case and prepare their arguments. As I sifted through the information, I thought about the larger problem behind this crime. The young man’s inability to obtain legitimate employment made him feel like he had no option other than to steal. A young man’s death may have been prevented had the family been able to get the paperwork necessary to get a job. This issue hit close to home since my father is a Cuban immigrant.
My father spent years toiling over rolls of fabric and slaving away over steaming irons in a sewing factory. One of my favorite childhood memories is riding around on the forklift with his co-worker Jorge-Luis. My father’s status as a citizen put him at an advantage over his coworkers. As I grew up, I saw him transform from a factory worker who would leave before sunrise each morning to a successful businessman with awards lining the walls of his office.
The circumstances have changed, but I still on occasion accompany my father to business meetings. A few years ago, on the way back from a meeting, we stopped for lunch at a small restaurant by my father’s old factory. I was thrilled to run into Jorge-Luis. The encounter turned bittersweet as I discovered that he was still a factory worker living paycheck to paycheck. The only difference between my father and his friend was citizenship. My father was able to improve his standard of living, while Jorge-Luis could not.
Around the same time, I went to the nearby town of Immokalee to work with Habitat for Humanity. I laid sod alongside a family who would be receiving a home and they told me about friends of theirs who were illegal farm workers in the area. The family felt terrible that they would receive a new home while their friends struggled to feed their children. The story reminded me of my father’s friend Jorge-Luis. I became intrigued and did some research on Immokalee. I was astonished when I realized that the area was known to contain slavery rings made up of immigrant workers who could not obtain legitimate employment due to their status as illegal immigrants.
It became my mission to help immigrants escape these cruel conditions. I learned that produce from these farms is distributed to the supermarkets in the area and that an increase in the price supermarkets pay for the produce would directly increase the wages of these workers. I formed a volunteer group to pressure local supermarkets to pay higher rates for produce. We wrote letters to store owners and handed out flyers to shoppers. While I felt accomplished in raising awareness to this issue, I knew I wanted to address the root of the problem rather than just the side effects.
I continued to follow news about the farm workers. After reading an article discussing the state attorney prosecuting the leaders of the local slavery rings, I pursued an internship with the State Attorney’s office. I observed many cases concerning illegal immigrants. Some were minor violations such as driving without a driver’s license and some were tragic such as the death of the 17 year old boy. They all however, shared a common thread; they were preventable in nature. For the most part, these people weren’t criminals that needed to be punished, they were trying to survive in a country where their presence is not legally recognized, making things as simple as acquiring a driver’s license impossible. Technicalities such as this lead to an overloaded and inefficient court system. The disconnect affects the lives of immigrants daily but also affects society at large through these avenues.
I believe that a degree in law would give me the tools to help bridge this gap. I have seen firsthand the impact of citizenship through witnessing my father overcome the obstacles in his life while his friend could not. My experiences have led me to law, which I believe will be the most effective way to make a difference. I believe the education I would attain at _____ Law School would provide me with an excellent foundation to act as an advocate for those in need.