First Draft. Destroy it. Forum

[drummer617]

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; the world is full of unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge, U.S. President, Phi Gamma Delta, Amherst College
Everyone who joins my fraternity learns this quote from graduate brother Coolidge and, hopefully, takes it to heart as a way of life. I have set goals for myself with various activities such as Boy Scouts and music which I have achieved through great persistence and determination. I began as a Tiger Cub in first grade and, through the years, worked industriously to earn belt loops, arrow points, pins, and badges. I enjoyed camping, hiking, and the challenges presented as I progressed through the ranks. Even though many of my friends dropped out along the way, I pressed on and, at the age of 15, achieved the rank of Eagle Scout.
In addition to scouting, music has always been a great passion of mine. Much of my childhood was spent drumming on Tupperware until I persuaded my parents to allow me to take drum lessons in third grade. I worked hard learning my technique on a snare drum, practicing every day, and eventually convinced my parents that I was ready to take the next step and tackle something more difficult. At 11, I received a drum set for my birthday, and I have been playing and progressing in skill ever since. Persistence, hard work, and diligence have paid off, as over the last two years I have been a drummer in two rock bands and have been actively involved in performing, promoting, and recording.
I began considering a career in law at an early age. In middle school, I observed and was a victim of bullying and mistreatment that went unpunished. I felt that people who harmed others should be held accountable for their actions and punished, but that was frequently not the case. While in college, I prepared for my future by studying psychology and criminal justice, and I earned a certificate in criminal profiling.
Two summers ago, I earned an internship with the Metropolitan Police Department in Washington, DC as a detective’s aide. I worked in the seventh district in Anacostia with several detectives, attending crime scenes, observing interviews and interrogations, and helping to catch up their administrative work by inputting approximately 1,500 PD-76 contact reports into the computer system. The highlight of the summer came when I helped solve a crime for my squad. My knowledge of the Microsoft Xbox videogame system and its’ use of a hard drive which contains the user’s personal information was invaluable in proving ownership. While the internship had some exciting moments, I decided that law enforcement was not the right career path for me and turned my thoughts to studying law.
Last spring I was chosen for a summer internship with a local law firm. I helped compile exhibit lists and researched several cases, including one that involved a national company. I attended two hearings, one in a judge’s chambers and the other in open court. The open court hearing was an interesting experience.. After the prosecuting and defending attorneys announced their names, the judge asked who I was. I told him my name and that I was an intern with the prosecuting law firm. He asked me if I wanted to be a lawyer and when I answered in the affirmative, he said, “Well, let’s see what we can do to change your mind.” The hearing was a request by the defense to postpone the date of the actual trial. Though not a very heated or exciting hearing, I got to see firsthand what it is like to be in court. Upon the end of the proceedings, the judge asked me, “Did I succeed in changing your mind?” I told him that he had not, to which he smiled and nodded. I was impressed by the interest he showed me and his actions helped to cement my desire to pursue a career in law.
My experiences have helped shape me into the person I am today. I have learned that if there is something I want to achieve, I must go after it with tenacity and determination. Through Boy Scouts, being bullied, and my enjoyment of music I have remained steadfast in my attempts to complete goals. It is my desire to become the best attorney I can, to hold people accountable for their actions, and I will pursue those goals wholeheartedly.

[JordynAsh]

Please don't start with a quote.

[CanadianWolf]

I'll bet that prosecutorial work is in your future.

[ach24]

.

[bmore]

Reads more like a resume. Most of this is in your app.

[CanadianWolf]

In this instance the quote illuminates the OP's vision of the world & his role in it. I think it works. Few law school applicants admit to their "inner Boy Scout" need for approval from others. This is a classic prosecutor, or fireman, in the making.

[dddhhh]

I like that you were trying to show a "natural progression" in your interest for the law. However, I would put more emphasis on your law internship and go into more detail and share perhaps a different experience - one that impacts more, because even you admit in the end that it wasn't that exciting. I would perhaps share something that really grabbed your attention and made you say "this is what i want to do for the rest of my life" because the ending made me want more...