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I was wondering if someone would be able to take a look at my addendum. I was placed on academic probation after my spring semester due to a T-bone car accident but I re-took the courses over the summer and received all As for them. I just don't know if there's enough substance in it and how to properly write an ending for it.

Thanks in advance!!!!

After my Spring 2009 semester, I was placed on academic probation at Purdue University after failing two classes and receiving a “D” in another. A week before midterms, I was involved in a car accident and suffered a “stage-3” concussion. I was unaware at the time that I had suffered a concussion and not knowing I had medical coverage I denied paramedic assistance. As I went to bed, I believed I would be fine to go to class the next day. The following morning, I took an aspirin and while walking to class began to get a migraine and started to feel nauseous. Halfway through class, the migraine and nausea became unbearable and I was forced to leave early. I choose to “tough it out” and go to all my classes that week because I knew that midterms were next week.
Throughout the week, the migraines and constant feeling of nausea strained my ability to concentrate in class and properly prepare for my midterms. After I received my midterm grades, I came to the stark realization that it would be nearly impossible to bring my grades back up. That summer I decided to retake the courses I had failed. I knew I was a better student than what my transcript showed. As you can see from my transcript, I received an A in all three of the classes.

You need to completely rewrite this. You need to make it much shorter, leave out little phrases like "tough it out" and "as you can see" and make it a succinct "Cause -> Effect -> Recovery" statement. (Crash -> Negative Side Effects -> Replacement Grades)

Go with something more like:

During the spring 2009 semester at Purdue University, I was involved in a car accident and suffered a stage three concussion that was undiagnosed until X weeks after the accident. The side effects from the concussion, including migraines and constant nausea, had an extremely negative effect on my academic work, and I was placed on academic probation after failing two classes and receiving a D in another. After my concussion was diagnosed and treated, I retook the courses I had failed during summer term and received an A in each class.

You don't necessarily need to use the above verbatim, but you get the idea. Cut out the little descriptors of midterms and how you felt halfway through one class, and make it more general.

This seems way too long and wordy. Did you ever go to a doctor and were you diagnosed as having a concussion? You could simply say you were involved in that crash, but at the time felt fine. So you proceeded onward with your normal school activities. But then after a few days (and during test time), you experienced concussion-like symptoms and sought a doctor who diagnosed the same. Once the symptoms subsided, your grades returned back to old form. You re-took those classes and received A's. And your academic record showed no other signs of significant grade declines other than that one, isolated incident.

Not sure why you feel you need to express all this. You need to tell them you suffered a head trauma during reading period and you underestimated the effects of it. It should be two sentences.

Keep in mind that the schools really don't care what happened. They are just looking for someone with $ or the ability to get loans whose final GPA, concussion or no concussion, meets their criteria for admission.

Thank you all for your help! I didn't know how long or wordy the addendum needed to be.

LSATclincher wrote:This seems way too long and wordy. Did you ever go to a doctor and were you diagnosed as having a concussion?

I went to the doctor at the end of the week and was diagnosed then. I read that it's appropriate to have a sentence stating that, "medical records can be provided per your request" is that true?

Send it to these guys

http://www.rewritemyessay.com

Not free but not bad price wise, really good writers fixed my addendum.