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Critiques Would be much appreciated!

Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:20 pm
by cbp3443
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Re: Critiques Would be much appreciated!

Posted: Wed Dec 22, 2010 4:42 pm
by 3|ink
I think your premise is excellent. I get bored easily, but I really wanted to keep reading. I just think you should work on flow.

Exp.
I was jealous of my younger brother for my entire childhood. I have always been jealous of my younger brother.

Edit: And you should work on the ending too. I mean, delete that paragraph and write a new one.