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Honest critique for my PS? I'll return the favor!
Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 11:30 pm
by crumpetsandtea
deleted (:
Re: Honest critique for my PS? I'll return the favor!
Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 12:53 am
by PinkCow
You need an "at" in the "it was this moment" phrase.
Last paragraph seems pointless
Some of your sentences are overly complex and wordy, which some may find fault with. I, particularly, did not find them to be a big deal.
Overall, I think this is fine. The story is somewhat interesting (a little long and drawn out at times) and you connect it well with your goals and life, etc. I don't think it's necessarily going to work wonders for you, but I think, provided you have adequate numbers, it definitely won't hold you back from admission.
Re: Honest critique for my PS? I'll return the favor!
Posted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:47 am
by crumpetsandtea
chip3341 wrote:You need an "at" in the "it was this moment" phrase.
Last paragraph seems pointless
Some of your sentences are overly complex and wordy, which some may find fault with. I, particularly, did not find them to be a big deal.
Overall, I think this is fine. The story is somewhat interesting (a little long and drawn out at times) and you connect it well with your goals and life, etc. I don't think it's necessarily going to work wonders for you, but I think, provided you have adequate numbers, it definitely won't hold you back from admission.
Thanks for the feedback! And damn, I'm a splitter so I'm hoping for something to help me out, not keep me where I am :\ What do you think it's lacking, or is the subject matter in general just not very compelling?