MY PS - All kinds of critique are welcome - THanks
Posted: Sat Dec 11, 2010 4:44 pm
here we go. It's been through a bunch of changes and if you're read it before, I encourage you to give it a read again and see where I've gone with it. Would love to read yours too... sorry to those I promised yesterday, I was buried in my own statement for the day. I have the day off on Sunday and I will get to them then. Please PM me if you'd like me to have a look. Thanks again!
-----------
As I stared back at Big Bird in the bathroom mirror, I confirmed the fact that my bright yellow costume looked just as ridiculous as it felt. After one final glance in the mirror, I waddled from my campus room to the quad to inspect the final details of the event. The cheap yellow feathers that covered my entire body left a scattered trail behind me as the wind tested my novice sewing abilities, and the oily yellow face paint continued to run down my neck in the crisp fall air as I welcomed relieved parents and energetic children soon thereafter. I spent weeks planning and developing the details for Project Pumpkin, an annual event on Halloween designed to provide local children with a safe place for trick-or-treating at the university. With Batman in my right hand and a giant green M&M in my left hand, I guided a tiny troupe of fictional characters around the decorated quad to accumulate as many handfuls of candy as their plastic pumpkins would hold. Two nights before, I won a campus-wide accounting competition—the proudest moment of my academic career—yet I found more satisfaction that night sweating in my conspicuous yellow costume than I did debating in my pressed business suit.
Two and a half years later, when the housing market crashed and my yellow costume was forgotten in the darkest corner of my closet, the land development business faced mounting economic concerns: hyper-inflated prices, saturated supply, and soiled lending practices. The phone on my desk never stopped ringing. Loan officers, rather than potential buyers, consistently jammed the lines. The workload exponentially increased despite my dwindling commission revenue, and I lost touch with my connection with children’s interests. The tattered yellow costume remained hidden in my closet, and I pushed what it represented to the far corner of my priorities.
When the markets fully deteriorated, I started work as an assistant general manager of a relatively new restaurant. I soon developed a strong relationship with the employees from a childcare near the restaurant after their frequent visits, and I negotiated a deal: I delivered their lunch to them, and they let me watch and interact with the kids while they ate. The short walk to the childcare served as a nice break from a full day of managerial work, and I thrived every time I heard my name sung by dozens of little voices in unison. I had my favorite regulars—in the restaurant, and at the day care—and I enjoyed keeping up with them all. My passion was officially in full swing as Halloween approached that year, and I retrieved the frail yellow costume for inspiration as I began construction on a new costume.
A few days before the end of October, I discovered a massive accounting error at my restaurant that inappropriately distributed thousands of dollars to employees who knew they were being overpaid. The scheme was pervasive, and I alerted the owners that evening, and they implemented swift changes under my recommendation. I knew the employees were cognizant of their behavior, but most went unscathed when the owners failed to pursue the complicated situation. I was furious as the complete lack of accountability and the palpable indifference from the staff. On Halloween night, as I sat in my car parked between the restaurant and the daycare, I decided to finally pursue the opportunity to both invest in the welfare of children and ensure the application of justice.
I have a strong desire to pursue family law and social justice because this academic concentration will allow me to focus purely on positively affecting children’s interests. I believe my business skills and my experience interacting with kids demonstrates a commitment to working to effectively protect and mentor children. My leadership abilities have been tested through the experience working in difficult markets and managing complicated ethical situations, and I am firmly confident that my persistent character and rigorous integrity provides a sound foundation for the skills required for law school.
(I plan to fill in rest of paragraph with 3-4 lines for the particular school, and end with something about yellow costume to bring it all full circle perhaps.
-----------
As I stared back at Big Bird in the bathroom mirror, I confirmed the fact that my bright yellow costume looked just as ridiculous as it felt. After one final glance in the mirror, I waddled from my campus room to the quad to inspect the final details of the event. The cheap yellow feathers that covered my entire body left a scattered trail behind me as the wind tested my novice sewing abilities, and the oily yellow face paint continued to run down my neck in the crisp fall air as I welcomed relieved parents and energetic children soon thereafter. I spent weeks planning and developing the details for Project Pumpkin, an annual event on Halloween designed to provide local children with a safe place for trick-or-treating at the university. With Batman in my right hand and a giant green M&M in my left hand, I guided a tiny troupe of fictional characters around the decorated quad to accumulate as many handfuls of candy as their plastic pumpkins would hold. Two nights before, I won a campus-wide accounting competition—the proudest moment of my academic career—yet I found more satisfaction that night sweating in my conspicuous yellow costume than I did debating in my pressed business suit.
Two and a half years later, when the housing market crashed and my yellow costume was forgotten in the darkest corner of my closet, the land development business faced mounting economic concerns: hyper-inflated prices, saturated supply, and soiled lending practices. The phone on my desk never stopped ringing. Loan officers, rather than potential buyers, consistently jammed the lines. The workload exponentially increased despite my dwindling commission revenue, and I lost touch with my connection with children’s interests. The tattered yellow costume remained hidden in my closet, and I pushed what it represented to the far corner of my priorities.
When the markets fully deteriorated, I started work as an assistant general manager of a relatively new restaurant. I soon developed a strong relationship with the employees from a childcare near the restaurant after their frequent visits, and I negotiated a deal: I delivered their lunch to them, and they let me watch and interact with the kids while they ate. The short walk to the childcare served as a nice break from a full day of managerial work, and I thrived every time I heard my name sung by dozens of little voices in unison. I had my favorite regulars—in the restaurant, and at the day care—and I enjoyed keeping up with them all. My passion was officially in full swing as Halloween approached that year, and I retrieved the frail yellow costume for inspiration as I began construction on a new costume.
A few days before the end of October, I discovered a massive accounting error at my restaurant that inappropriately distributed thousands of dollars to employees who knew they were being overpaid. The scheme was pervasive, and I alerted the owners that evening, and they implemented swift changes under my recommendation. I knew the employees were cognizant of their behavior, but most went unscathed when the owners failed to pursue the complicated situation. I was furious as the complete lack of accountability and the palpable indifference from the staff. On Halloween night, as I sat in my car parked between the restaurant and the daycare, I decided to finally pursue the opportunity to both invest in the welfare of children and ensure the application of justice.
I have a strong desire to pursue family law and social justice because this academic concentration will allow me to focus purely on positively affecting children’s interests. I believe my business skills and my experience interacting with kids demonstrates a commitment to working to effectively protect and mentor children. My leadership abilities have been tested through the experience working in difficult markets and managing complicated ethical situations, and I am firmly confident that my persistent character and rigorous integrity provides a sound foundation for the skills required for law school.
(I plan to fill in rest of paragraph with 3-4 lines for the particular school, and end with something about yellow costume to bring it all full circle perhaps.