Personal Statement help!
Posted: Fri Nov 26, 2010 9:59 pm
I recently had someone read mine and they basically said it was crap but couldn't put it into words as to why. I'm looking for advice/suggestions on content, not grammar. I tried to focus on my losses because i haven't done a whole heap that is extremely impressive. Thanks!
As I was sitting at my computer toward the end of my junior year of college, I had a simple question for myself, “What do I want to do with my life after undergraduate school?” The economy did not seem to be doing well enough to give me the option of entering the job market straight out of college. As it turns out, that may have been the best blessing for me in terms of my future. From the realization that I needed to pursue higher education, I had an even greater realization: That law school was something I was going to strive for. Law was something I had had an interest in for almost six years to that point. Mr. Fuller’s first legal story in Law Studies class my freshman year of high school is what peaked my interest. As a wide-eyed freshman in high school, I put that interest on the backburner until I took another class about law, this time in college. From there, the interest was sparked once again, and a dream was born.
As my high school days wound down, I was a stranger to tragedy. Little did I know that four years later I would be a stranger no more, and that I would have grown to be twice the man I was four years prior. When I entered UCF, I was upbeat, ready to tackle college with enthusiasm, and ready to have the time of my life. Family and friends are an important part of my life, and I try to spend as much time as possible with the people I love. It is just the person I am. For so long, that had never been disturbed, and the people I loved were a constant presence in my life. For eighteen years, the only person I had lost was a grandfather, when I was less than one year old. That changed though when my grandmother passed away during my senior year of high school. It hurt and shook me, but I convinced myself it was an aberration, and it would be a long time until something happened again. A year later, though, I lost my other grandmother, and a short time later, my grandfather lost his battle with leukemia.
Just last year, my best friend succumbed to brain cancer after fighting for three years. It devastated me and eventually wore me down. So many people gone, people whom I had leaned on and spent so much quality time with. Through these losses, I have had to grow up quicker and become stronger than I would have imagined.
Despite the tragedies that have become, seemingly, an annual occurrence, always in spring, I believe that I have been able to keep tremendous focus given the circumstances. I come from an incredibly close family, which is why the losses I have had have affected me so deeply. Through all of that, though, I have become more motivated and ready to overcome the obstacles I encounter. Losing people close to us can change us long term, for better or worse. I have chosen to keep moving forward, engaging in internships, intramural activities, helping raise $1,000 for a local charity with four other classmates, and, most importantly, consistently trying to improve in school. It is that drive and desire to succeed that makes me believe that I would be a strong addition to XXX. Through my adversities I have been able to mature and grow, which in turn has allowed me to be able to set my sights solely on the goal of attending and successfully completing law school.
With acceptance to XXX, which is close to my friends and family, my goal of law school can officially begin. I have no doubt in my mind that I bring strong intangibles to your institution. My grade point average and LSAT scores do not measure that, but I hope that with the tiny glimpse into my life the past few years that I have provided that it is clear that I am ready to blossom and become the student I know I can be. I have made it through the worst challenges of all, great personal loss, and came out stronger because of it. Now I just need the opportunity to start my new challenge. My combination of extracurricular experiences have made me a more prepared and focused student and a stronger and better person. For that I am grateful and looking forward to what lies ahead of me as I leave UCF and begin my new journey into law school.
As I was sitting at my computer toward the end of my junior year of college, I had a simple question for myself, “What do I want to do with my life after undergraduate school?” The economy did not seem to be doing well enough to give me the option of entering the job market straight out of college. As it turns out, that may have been the best blessing for me in terms of my future. From the realization that I needed to pursue higher education, I had an even greater realization: That law school was something I was going to strive for. Law was something I had had an interest in for almost six years to that point. Mr. Fuller’s first legal story in Law Studies class my freshman year of high school is what peaked my interest. As a wide-eyed freshman in high school, I put that interest on the backburner until I took another class about law, this time in college. From there, the interest was sparked once again, and a dream was born.
As my high school days wound down, I was a stranger to tragedy. Little did I know that four years later I would be a stranger no more, and that I would have grown to be twice the man I was four years prior. When I entered UCF, I was upbeat, ready to tackle college with enthusiasm, and ready to have the time of my life. Family and friends are an important part of my life, and I try to spend as much time as possible with the people I love. It is just the person I am. For so long, that had never been disturbed, and the people I loved were a constant presence in my life. For eighteen years, the only person I had lost was a grandfather, when I was less than one year old. That changed though when my grandmother passed away during my senior year of high school. It hurt and shook me, but I convinced myself it was an aberration, and it would be a long time until something happened again. A year later, though, I lost my other grandmother, and a short time later, my grandfather lost his battle with leukemia.
Just last year, my best friend succumbed to brain cancer after fighting for three years. It devastated me and eventually wore me down. So many people gone, people whom I had leaned on and spent so much quality time with. Through these losses, I have had to grow up quicker and become stronger than I would have imagined.
Despite the tragedies that have become, seemingly, an annual occurrence, always in spring, I believe that I have been able to keep tremendous focus given the circumstances. I come from an incredibly close family, which is why the losses I have had have affected me so deeply. Through all of that, though, I have become more motivated and ready to overcome the obstacles I encounter. Losing people close to us can change us long term, for better or worse. I have chosen to keep moving forward, engaging in internships, intramural activities, helping raise $1,000 for a local charity with four other classmates, and, most importantly, consistently trying to improve in school. It is that drive and desire to succeed that makes me believe that I would be a strong addition to XXX. Through my adversities I have been able to mature and grow, which in turn has allowed me to be able to set my sights solely on the goal of attending and successfully completing law school.
With acceptance to XXX, which is close to my friends and family, my goal of law school can officially begin. I have no doubt in my mind that I bring strong intangibles to your institution. My grade point average and LSAT scores do not measure that, but I hope that with the tiny glimpse into my life the past few years that I have provided that it is clear that I am ready to blossom and become the student I know I can be. I have made it through the worst challenges of all, great personal loss, and came out stronger because of it. Now I just need the opportunity to start my new challenge. My combination of extracurricular experiences have made me a more prepared and focused student and a stronger and better person. For that I am grateful and looking forward to what lies ahead of me as I leave UCF and begin my new journey into law school.