Critique my why X essay!
Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:56 pm
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no answers cuz its terrible? or is everybody just asleep. I was thinking of submitting tonight and was hoping to get a bit of feedback.
I'll gladly do a swap.
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Re: Critique my why X essay!
Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:52 am
Re: Critique my why X essay!
Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 1:51 am
Hey, thanks for reading mine - I really appreciate it 
I generally like this Why essay. However, I wonder if the first paragraph is really necessary. It leads into the second paragraph well, but may be sort of superfluous (unless the school really prides itself on being recognized for this). What I would prefer (personally) is maybe cutting the first paragraph or condensing it into a sentence as a lead for the second paragraph, and providing some concrete support for your claims in the second. When you said "I believe" in the last sentence, I reflexively thought "Why?". Then again, it's about 6am where I am now, so my reading comprehension isn't the greatest.
HTH!
I generally like this Why essay. However, I wonder if the first paragraph is really necessary. It leads into the second paragraph well, but may be sort of superfluous (unless the school really prides itself on being recognized for this). What I would prefer (personally) is maybe cutting the first paragraph or condensing it into a sentence as a lead for the second paragraph, and providing some concrete support for your claims in the second. When you said "I believe" in the last sentence, I reflexively thought "Why?". Then again, it's about 6am where I am now, so my reading comprehension isn't the greatest.
HTH!
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Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2010 3:15 am
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