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edited out :0

Consider deleting the final sentence.

Overall your essay is weak because it offers five unimpressive paragraphs to convey the simple idea that there are different perspectives on issues. My impression is that you used repetitive stories as space fillers because you do not have much else to offer the reader. This is not a good way to sell yourself to law school admissions officers. In short, this personal statement represents a wasted opportunity.

Id rewrite- you spend three paragraphs telling a story that tells me nothing about YOU.

I really liked your original essay... I think you should go back to it!