SKYDIVE PS REWRITE! PLEASE JUDGE THE FINAL (hopefully) CUT
Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2010 12:46 am
Ok, so I posted my PS on here earlier tonight and got really mixed review about using a story to bookend the bread and butter of my personal statement. You can see the original and all the comments here http://top-law-schools.com/forums/viewt ... 8&t=138045. So I reworked it and completely cut the skydiving and I like what came out of it.
Please tell me what you think, and compare it to the previous if you are feeling ballsy. Again, PLEASE write a response if you vote. And I'll swap PS with anyone who will critique mine, just PM yours. Thanks for the look
Change is never easy, but sometimes it is exactly what a person needs to get moving with their plans again. This is one of the major lessons that I learned from my mother throughout her life. When I was nine years old my mother decided that our family needed a change to broaden our horizons, so in December of 1994, she took a job with the Department of Defense and moved us 4,500 miles from upstate South Carolina to southern Germany. At the time I hated the idea of leaving my family and friends to move to a country where I could not even speak the language, but I would spend the next nine years learning new languages; making friends across cultural boundaries; and developing a thirst for knowledge that comes from experiencing arts, architecture, and other works that many people only get to read about.
It was this thirst that originally led me to study economics in college and led me to want to pursue a career in law. However, after college this dream quickly dissipated when I discovered the cost of law school and realized I was not in a position to take on anymore debt. Instead, I entered the workforce after graduation and began to search for a new career path. But after working for a year or so, I had a conversation with a family friend who worked as an international trade lawyer in Washington, D.C. As he discussed some of his old cases with me, I felt my passion for law reignite and I began to revisit my dormant dream. I opened up to my mother about it in October of 2009, and, to my surprise she pushed me to realize my dream at any cost. She even went as far as to buy me two LSAT preparation books and had them delivered to me without my knowledge. The books arrived on November 1st, and my mother passed away on November 15th in Germany.
On the morning of the 15th, I had to catch an early flight to a training program for a new job that I had recently started. After I checked in for my flight, I decided to give my mother a call, since we had not spoken in a week or so due to the time difference and my new job. After six rings, her boss unexpectedly answered her phone and turned my life upside down with a ten minute conversation. The next few months were a complete blur for me, with her memorial and a four day trip to Germany set in the middle of the holiday season. As the calendar changed to a new year, I felt the grief reducing me to a shell of my former self. But in February, a new problem suddenly came to the forefront.
Due to the complexities of the German and American probate codes, my brother, who lives in Portland, Oregon, and I were potentially liable for almost $600,000 of debt between real estate and medical bills in Europe that threatened to consume our mother’s estate in the United States. Since I had volunteered to act as the executor of her estate, I took responsibility for solving this problem. I began spending hours after work in the library reading German and American legal code, I worked with German consulates in Portland, Oregon; Atlanta, Georgia; and Greenville, South Carolina; and consulted lawyers in South Carolina; Washington, D.C.; and Frankfurt, Germany. With their help, I was able to discover a method where we could dispose of the German liabilities without affecting the estate in the United States.
With the rush that I felt from solving this complex international problem, I again felt my drive to study law return and on March 23rd, I registered for the June LSAT. I realize that even though dealing with my mother’s death will continue to be difficult, at least the loss forced me to put my plans for my life into action and pursue my passions. So, using this new found eagerness as fuel, I finally went home and sat down with my mother’s last gift to me, the LSAT preparation books. With determination, I began studying for the upcoming exam confident in my new direction.
Please tell me what you think, and compare it to the previous if you are feeling ballsy. Again, PLEASE write a response if you vote. And I'll swap PS with anyone who will critique mine, just PM yours. Thanks for the look
Change is never easy, but sometimes it is exactly what a person needs to get moving with their plans again. This is one of the major lessons that I learned from my mother throughout her life. When I was nine years old my mother decided that our family needed a change to broaden our horizons, so in December of 1994, she took a job with the Department of Defense and moved us 4,500 miles from upstate South Carolina to southern Germany. At the time I hated the idea of leaving my family and friends to move to a country where I could not even speak the language, but I would spend the next nine years learning new languages; making friends across cultural boundaries; and developing a thirst for knowledge that comes from experiencing arts, architecture, and other works that many people only get to read about.
It was this thirst that originally led me to study economics in college and led me to want to pursue a career in law. However, after college this dream quickly dissipated when I discovered the cost of law school and realized I was not in a position to take on anymore debt. Instead, I entered the workforce after graduation and began to search for a new career path. But after working for a year or so, I had a conversation with a family friend who worked as an international trade lawyer in Washington, D.C. As he discussed some of his old cases with me, I felt my passion for law reignite and I began to revisit my dormant dream. I opened up to my mother about it in October of 2009, and, to my surprise she pushed me to realize my dream at any cost. She even went as far as to buy me two LSAT preparation books and had them delivered to me without my knowledge. The books arrived on November 1st, and my mother passed away on November 15th in Germany.
On the morning of the 15th, I had to catch an early flight to a training program for a new job that I had recently started. After I checked in for my flight, I decided to give my mother a call, since we had not spoken in a week or so due to the time difference and my new job. After six rings, her boss unexpectedly answered her phone and turned my life upside down with a ten minute conversation. The next few months were a complete blur for me, with her memorial and a four day trip to Germany set in the middle of the holiday season. As the calendar changed to a new year, I felt the grief reducing me to a shell of my former self. But in February, a new problem suddenly came to the forefront.
Due to the complexities of the German and American probate codes, my brother, who lives in Portland, Oregon, and I were potentially liable for almost $600,000 of debt between real estate and medical bills in Europe that threatened to consume our mother’s estate in the United States. Since I had volunteered to act as the executor of her estate, I took responsibility for solving this problem. I began spending hours after work in the library reading German and American legal code, I worked with German consulates in Portland, Oregon; Atlanta, Georgia; and Greenville, South Carolina; and consulted lawyers in South Carolina; Washington, D.C.; and Frankfurt, Germany. With their help, I was able to discover a method where we could dispose of the German liabilities without affecting the estate in the United States.
With the rush that I felt from solving this complex international problem, I again felt my drive to study law return and on March 23rd, I registered for the June LSAT. I realize that even though dealing with my mother’s death will continue to be difficult, at least the loss forced me to put my plans for my life into action and pursue my passions. So, using this new found eagerness as fuel, I finally went home and sat down with my mother’s last gift to me, the LSAT preparation books. With determination, I began studying for the upcoming exam confident in my new direction.