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Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:39 pm
by jd2b1010
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Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:44 pm
by homestyle28
It's hard to judge devoid of context, but the second sentence is phrased like a question. Should read:

"Now, more than ever, knowledge of finance and accounting is a vital..."

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:45 pm
by Shooter
I see where you're going with this. But I don't particularly like it. The second sentence is written in a very odd way. Move "is" to after knowledge.

Also, the subprime mortgage crisis was not a corporate scandal.

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:46 pm
by RVP11
Please don't include this in a personal statement.

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:50 pm
by Flips88
You guys sure do read well.

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:15 pm
by champ33
I don't see anything at all wrong with it as is.

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:21 pm
by djjf39
Lose passive voice in first sentence:
jd2b1010 wrote:"The business climate of the past decade was impacted by numerous corporate scandals,
Should read something like " Numerous corporate scandals ravaged the economy and business climate during the last decade"

Reword this sentence as well:
jd2b1010 wrote: Now, more than ever, is finance and accounting knowledge a vital component of a corporate attorney’s background.
Content is fine, Enron reference maybe a little trite.

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:28 pm
by pinkzeppelin
jd2b1010 wrote: "The business climate of the past decade was impacted by numerous corporate scandals
It's a matter of choice, but I don't like the passive voice here. What djjf39 said is credited.
jd2b1010 wrote:, from Enron and WorldCom to the subprime mortgage crisis. Now, more than ever, is finance and accounting knowledge a vital component of a corporate attorney’s background.
What other posters said about the sentence structure is credited. In addition, what you're saying is very vague. How do the scandals make a background in finance and accounting vital?
jd2b1010 wrote: My experience in these areas will add diversity both in the law school classroom and in practice, whether as a corporate attorney, wite collar prosecutor, or in some other practice area entirely."
I'm hoping you will replace "my experience in these areas" with what you did in your actual PS.

Also, the last part ("whether...") adds nothing of substance. Remove it.

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:20 pm
by jdemmitt
"now more than ever" is a cliche. It sounds tacky.

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:34 pm
by Emma.
RVP11 wrote:Please don't include this in a personal statement.
edit:

also: http://www.contentious.com/2005/10/22/v ... acted-ugh/

Re: Is this phrase presumptuous and/or bad in general?

Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 2:02 am
by RVP11
Emma. wrote:
RVP11 wrote:Please don't include this in a personal statement.
edit:

also: http://www.contentious.com/2005/10/22/v ... acted-ugh/
The content is crap, too.