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Please Critique! Go hard on me!

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 4:59 am
by DoniLynn
Deleted

Re: I need help with my Personal Statement! Please Critique!

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 8:12 am
by ShuckingNotJiving
you put your real name? delete that boo boo.

overall this is good. honest and has all the characteristics of a decent personal statement. the ending is a bit too hallmark for me. just my opinion, however.

does your mom really just up and quote Emerson like that? pretty hot.

Re: Please Critique! Go hard on me!

Posted: Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:59 pm
by nikkilaw
Her and my father separated after eight years and two children together.
this sentence sounds awkward, consider revising.
overall, good content, needs work on the execution =)