Diversity Statement Intro Forum
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- Posts: 31
- Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:53 pm
Diversity Statement Intro
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Last edited by mrr111 on Tue May 08, 2012 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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- Posts: 31
- Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:53 pm
Re: Diversity Statement Intro
Anyone? Is it that bad? Say something, someone!
- Fresh
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- Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:30 pm
Re: Diversity Statement Intro
I wanted to read more so it's definitely not bad, but someone can probably help you tightening it up to enhance the rhetorical effect
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Re: Diversity Statement Intro
I agree. The wording can be tightened up quite a bit.Fresh wrote:I wanted to read more so it's definitely not bad, but someone can probably help you tightening it up to enhance the rhetorical effect
"I vividly remembered when my older sister told me she had found a book about coming out of the closet." seems to convey the same meaning and is much more conciseMy sisters and I often speculated about our dad’s sexuality. I vividly remember talking to my older sister on the phone, and she told me that she “knew” dad was gay. She said that she found a book in his closet about how to come out of the closet.
Don't know if this is necessary.At the time, I was 13 and living a thousand miles away.
"Even without him saying so, I just knew she was right. A little over a year later he said, with some hesitation, the simple words, “You know what mine and ______ living situation is?”, and my world was changed".I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. I just knew that she was right, whether he has said it himself or not. A little over a year later, and with hesitation, he said the simple words, “You know what mine and ______ living situation is?” And with that, although already suspecting it for years, my world was changed.
Just some thoughts. I like the idea of the opening, but cut it down a bit.
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