Ok... another Draft, hope you like it
Posted: Sat Nov 06, 2010 8:10 pm
I took much of the advice given to me on this forum and completely revamped my essay... any and all criticism will be very much appreciated.
“Faster…faster…eye on the ball… damn it, faster!” I said to myself as I dove head first from deep right field to catch the ball. I jumped up to my feet looking around me for the ball then I saw my teammate running towards me with a smile a mile long. At that moment I realized the ball was in my glove and I had just saved my team from losing the game. That game I got on base three times scored two runs and made the game winning catch. That game is also my fondest memory. It was a culmination of hard work and dedication to turn my disability into a motivational companion.
In the summer of 1994, on a beautiful summer morning, while playing the role of catcher in a makeshift baseball game my older brother accidentally struck me across my left eye while attempting to swing the iron pipe at a fruit. That day, I lost vision from my left eye. At first my father, I guess in an effort to instill some normalcy back in our lives, put me in a baseball team at the age of seven. I remember it being nothing extraordinarily challenging except that I had a hard time seeing and tracking the ball. Back then I was too young to realize that it had something to do with my impaired vision. However, as I got older I began to realize that my vision impairment was an actual impairment that widely affected my capabilities in playing baseball. So, I began to practice. I practiced during the winter, during the summer, or whenever I was not doing schoolwork. Amongst my teammates I did not want to be looked at as an outsider or someone who did not belong. Even if, after I removed all doubt they felt like I still did not belong, at the least I would be respected as an outlier. By the end of my senior year in high school I was the starting right fielder and one of the better hitters on my team. Most of my teammates did not even know that I was visually impaired; I chose not to tell them.
In my studies and in every other aspect of my life I have held the same motivational attitude. For my senior thesis I wrote on Nietzsche’s transcendence of good and evil where I was highly praised for the handle I had on many of Nietzsche’s ideas. Before I was able to even begin writing my thesis I had to read ‘Beyond Good and Evil’ three times over. The complexity of Nietzsche’s work seems daunting and understanding his writing might be vexing to many, but it is the challenge to overcome and understand the most profound of his ideas that has moved me to understand him. As President of the Hispanic Organization for Latin awareness I took pride in standing up for many of the under represented student bodies throughout our school. In addition, by coordinating a school wide voting drive where we were able to play a large role in getting a substantial amount of students registered to vote I have maintained that same motivational attitude that has allowed me to be a mentor to Bryan, my younger brother, who seeks my advice and guidance in many facets of his life.
This sort of passion and determination I hope to take into law school. I have been exposed to several examples of injustice that I believe to be unacceptable. These are the sort of injustices’ I have witnessed: when I was fourteen my mom was beaten to near death by my stepfather who fled the country before the cops could even get a description on him; the lack of respect that has been exhibited by some in our society towards immigrants and the type of life they seek after is inappropriate and does not speak to the fairness our society deeply embraces; also, when I was a sophomore in college I met a man by the name of Daryl Hunt who had been wrongfully imprisoned for more that twenty years despite there being evidence clearing him of any wrongdoing. By attending law school I wish to demonstrate the fairness and justice that is essential to practice of law in seeking to stand out as a model student.
In all, my eye accident has provided me with valuable life experiences that have allowed me to develop the sort of character that would make me an ideal candidate for law school. I plan to continue exhibiting the sort of motivation, courage, and respect for fairness and justice in law school that have served such a useful purpose in all of my accomplishments thus far.
“Faster…faster…eye on the ball… damn it, faster!” I said to myself as I dove head first from deep right field to catch the ball. I jumped up to my feet looking around me for the ball then I saw my teammate running towards me with a smile a mile long. At that moment I realized the ball was in my glove and I had just saved my team from losing the game. That game I got on base three times scored two runs and made the game winning catch. That game is also my fondest memory. It was a culmination of hard work and dedication to turn my disability into a motivational companion.
In the summer of 1994, on a beautiful summer morning, while playing the role of catcher in a makeshift baseball game my older brother accidentally struck me across my left eye while attempting to swing the iron pipe at a fruit. That day, I lost vision from my left eye. At first my father, I guess in an effort to instill some normalcy back in our lives, put me in a baseball team at the age of seven. I remember it being nothing extraordinarily challenging except that I had a hard time seeing and tracking the ball. Back then I was too young to realize that it had something to do with my impaired vision. However, as I got older I began to realize that my vision impairment was an actual impairment that widely affected my capabilities in playing baseball. So, I began to practice. I practiced during the winter, during the summer, or whenever I was not doing schoolwork. Amongst my teammates I did not want to be looked at as an outsider or someone who did not belong. Even if, after I removed all doubt they felt like I still did not belong, at the least I would be respected as an outlier. By the end of my senior year in high school I was the starting right fielder and one of the better hitters on my team. Most of my teammates did not even know that I was visually impaired; I chose not to tell them.
In my studies and in every other aspect of my life I have held the same motivational attitude. For my senior thesis I wrote on Nietzsche’s transcendence of good and evil where I was highly praised for the handle I had on many of Nietzsche’s ideas. Before I was able to even begin writing my thesis I had to read ‘Beyond Good and Evil’ three times over. The complexity of Nietzsche’s work seems daunting and understanding his writing might be vexing to many, but it is the challenge to overcome and understand the most profound of his ideas that has moved me to understand him. As President of the Hispanic Organization for Latin awareness I took pride in standing up for many of the under represented student bodies throughout our school. In addition, by coordinating a school wide voting drive where we were able to play a large role in getting a substantial amount of students registered to vote I have maintained that same motivational attitude that has allowed me to be a mentor to Bryan, my younger brother, who seeks my advice and guidance in many facets of his life.
This sort of passion and determination I hope to take into law school. I have been exposed to several examples of injustice that I believe to be unacceptable. These are the sort of injustices’ I have witnessed: when I was fourteen my mom was beaten to near death by my stepfather who fled the country before the cops could even get a description on him; the lack of respect that has been exhibited by some in our society towards immigrants and the type of life they seek after is inappropriate and does not speak to the fairness our society deeply embraces; also, when I was a sophomore in college I met a man by the name of Daryl Hunt who had been wrongfully imprisoned for more that twenty years despite there being evidence clearing him of any wrongdoing. By attending law school I wish to demonstrate the fairness and justice that is essential to practice of law in seeking to stand out as a model student.
In all, my eye accident has provided me with valuable life experiences that have allowed me to develop the sort of character that would make me an ideal candidate for law school. I plan to continue exhibiting the sort of motivation, courage, and respect for fairness and justice in law school that have served such a useful purpose in all of my accomplishments thus far.