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Hey Everyone,

I'm just about done with my personal statement, but I am unsure of the sentence I've included below. I don't know if it needs a comma, and I am not sure about its structure. I would appreciate advice regarding the comma and/or suggestions for a complete revision of the sentence. I don't think the comma is necessary because the clause that follows the "but" is not independent, but I'd appreciate your insights.

Damned Sentence:

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy but (COMMA?) was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

djeter2 wrote:Hey Everyone,

I'm just about done with my personal statement, but I am unsure of the sentence I've included below. I don't know if it needs a comma, and I am not sure about its structure. I would appreciate advice regarding the comma and/or suggestions for a complete revision of the sentence. I don't think the comma is necessary because the clause that follows the "but" is not independent, but I'd appreciate your insights.

Damned Sentence:

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy but (COMMA?) was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

The mother refused not out of personal negligence or apathy, but because past difficulties with the legal system left her with no faith in it.

Maybe? It's kind of an unwieldy sentence/idea, isn't it...

djeter2 wrote: Damned Sentence:

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy but (COMMA?) was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy; it was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

My $.02.

You are correct. No comma.

And, it is not that it is "not needed" it is that it is "not appropriate". You do not get to choose.

Be happy and move on. It is fine.


Always confirm at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/01/

this free site is great!

2807 wrote:You are correct. No comma.

And, it is not that it is "not needed" it is that it is "not appropriate". You do not get to choose.

Be happy and move on. It is fine.


Always confirm at http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/607/01/

this free site is great!

Thank you!

It is correct as written, and using a comma would have been incorrect. This sentence is a bit awkward though. Perhaps the following:

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy, but rather, it was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

or

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy. Rather, it was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

slg123 wrote:

djeter2 wrote: Damned Sentence:

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy but (COMMA?) was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy; it was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

My $.02.

titcr

slg123 wrote:

djeter2 wrote: Damned Sentence:

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy but (COMMA?) was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

The mother’s refusal was not the product of personal negligence or apathy; it was the consequence of a past marked by negative experiences with the legal system.

My $.02.

After looking over all of the suggestions, I think this is my favorite option. Thanks to everyone for their input!