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It's kind of hard to tell without reading it but it might work if you also say why you would be good law school candidate and/or how that influenced your views of law.
Becareful because you might alienate some of the readers

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Sounds fine although that bit with you standing outside the oval office reflecting seems unnecessarily contrived.

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It sounds great for if you are applying for Obama's Official Fan Organization but you hardly talk about your self. What I can see from it is that is going to turn something like "Obama was very inspirational to me". Tell us more about yourself.
How you help organize the campus registration is good and you could elaborate a little on that, though it wouldn't be your entire PS.
Remember that the focus should be on number 1 (you), not someone else

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Again, it's kind of hard to say without reading the actual statement so you should be cautious with all of my recomendations. At this point though, I would actually say you need to narrow the scope