Self-deprecation in a PS?
Posted: Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:52 am
New poster here. I'm almost done with my Personal Statement, but I'm not sure about my first paragraph. I want to use a little self-deprecating humor, but a reviewer cautioned against it. Thoughts? The point of my essay is how I realized that I wanted to do public interest work/how I've learned to keep an open mind about the path to success. This is my first paragraph as it stands:
When I was nine years old, I decided to write out my life plan. Under the words, “My Life Plan,” triple-underlined—I like to think I was a preternaturally mature child, but I was still nine—I laid out my steps for success. As I saw it, the path to partnership at Skadden Arps was simple: getting As in elementary school would naturally lead to honors classes in junior high, which would beget AP classes in high school. With fabulous SAT scores and a score of extracurricular activities, including an afterschool job at an attorney’s office, I’d be able to attend an Ivy League university, which would set me up for admission to a top law school. A career in Mergers & Acquisitions law—and the corner office—was mine, provided I adhered strictly to the Plan. And throughout high school, I did, using the document as a checklist. Official bench-warmer of the field hockey team? Cross off “play sports.” Norwich Free Academy’s worst flautist? Put a check next to “learn musical instrument.”
Do the last two lines come off as funny? And does the paragraph do enough to set up the theme that I will eventually change my mind and have a more nuanced view of the path to success, or do I need to add more hints? Thanks for your help!
When I was nine years old, I decided to write out my life plan. Under the words, “My Life Plan,” triple-underlined—I like to think I was a preternaturally mature child, but I was still nine—I laid out my steps for success. As I saw it, the path to partnership at Skadden Arps was simple: getting As in elementary school would naturally lead to honors classes in junior high, which would beget AP classes in high school. With fabulous SAT scores and a score of extracurricular activities, including an afterschool job at an attorney’s office, I’d be able to attend an Ivy League university, which would set me up for admission to a top law school. A career in Mergers & Acquisitions law—and the corner office—was mine, provided I adhered strictly to the Plan. And throughout high school, I did, using the document as a checklist. Official bench-warmer of the field hockey team? Cross off “play sports.” Norwich Free Academy’s worst flautist? Put a check next to “learn musical instrument.”
Do the last two lines come off as funny? And does the paragraph do enough to set up the theme that I will eventually change my mind and have a more nuanced view of the path to success, or do I need to add more hints? Thanks for your help!