would love some feedback on my personal statement Forum

amg131s · Post by **amg131s** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:57 pm

deleted

nataliejane38 · Post by **nataliejane38** » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:28 pm

Not crap, it's very good. I really like the intro paragraph and how you tie it in to your desire to practice family law at the end.
However, I am not really getting the connection between the abandonment/ adoption and how that was responsible for your subsequent resiliency? Also the last line is not very good, it sounds like something you would write on a job cover letter.

amg131s · Post by **amg131s** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:27 am

well thank you. i think you're right about both points.

any other thoughts?

crysmissmichelle · Post by **crysmissmichelle** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:34 am

I agree that it is very good. It leaves the reader feeling very bothered by the situation. I agree about nixing the last sentence though.

amg131s · Post by **amg131s** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:09 pm

crysmissmichelle wrote:I agree that it is very good. It leaves the reader feeling very bothered by the situation. I agree about nixing the last sentence though.

bothered in a good way i hope? i'm hoping to be memorable and at the same time convey a true passion for the study of law given my background.

crysmissmichelle · Post by **crysmissmichelle** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:24 pm

Yes, bothered in a memorable way.

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