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*Statements removed*

I didn't read the DS but the PS is pretty outstanding. I wouldn't change anything.

you are dreamy.

just kidding.


(no i'm not)

I honestly think your PS is amazing; it kept my interest long enough to read the whole thing.

The only thing that stood out to me was the exclamation mark. For some reason it just didn't seem to fit.

Thanks for the kind comments! I hope that admissions officers are equally generous.

Does anyone have any thoughts on the DS? I feel like that may be in greater need of refinement.

I liked the DS- I REALLY appreciate that it isn't a pity party at all, which so many seem to be. It's very similar to what I wanted mine to say but didn't really capture.

TR Fan wrote:Thanks for the kind comments! I hope that admissions officers are equally generous.

Does anyone have any thoughts on the DS? I feel like that may be in greater need of refinement.

The PS is solid and you should use what it does right to help you with the DS.

I think the DS is pretty solid and what isn't quite right about it is a little more ineffable than obvious. If it were my statement to edit, there would be two things I would try, just to see if either would sound better: take out all of the present tense or use the summers painting and swinging hammers as the framework (like you did with the students and the housing crisis question). I don't know that either of these ideas will get you the actual final draft, but I find that I often get the best results when I try to write my way out of problems.

Not sure if its just because you and I share some similiar interests, but this is the best personal statement I've read on this site.

Both were very emotional but extremely grounded in real experiences and real perceptions.
+1 for keeping it real. best wishes for your cycle!

Thanks everyone for your generous comments and suggestions (and for the confidence-boosters)!

As my numbers make me a reach candidate for some of my schools it's especially important to me to get these statements just right. I really appreciate the assistance and wish everyone the best of luck with their applications.

I've decided to take the statements down in the meantime but am available to swap and review over PM if anyone is interested.