Looking for feedback Forum

[qualk]

.

[lalalawya]

I think you have a really great start, but it seems almost like an awesome hook rather than full personal statement. Is it possible to add more? It just seems like by the time it starts...it is already over. I am, by no means, an expert in personal statement writing; so take what I say with a grain of salt.

[kwais]

I think you have a really great start, but it seems almost like an awesome hook rather than full personal statement. Is it possible to add more? It just seems like by the time it starts...it is already over. I am, by no means, an expert in personal statement writing; so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I agree. this is pleasant to read, but it feels incomplete. This would be a good part of a larger essay. If there was something concrete, like an experience or situation that prompted this reflection, I think it would fit well. good luck

[qualk]

Thanks so much for responding so quickly! This is just my intro/hook. I wanted to segue into working with kids from here but just posted before I kept going to make sure that second paragraph isn't too mushy sounding and see if people thought working with children could make a good topic for a PS.

[AreJay711]

I'd be a little worried about how you said you didn't want to grow up. Not exactly what I'd want if I was making the decision. Maybe tone down the "do what I want when I want to do it" part. Learning that there are certain thing you have to do whether you want to do them or not is an important lesson and I know I wouldn't want anyone working for me (in any capacity) with the attitude you say in your PS. The rest of what it means to not grow up is good though.

Overall, great hook -- follow it up with some great content.

Edit: Talking about working with autistic children would be a fine topic.

[qualk]

I see what you mean about the "do what I want" part. I was trying to be cute but wouldn't want it taken as representative of my work ethic. Working on the content now, thanks!

[qualk]

.

[StillHerexxx]

I noticed a grammatical thing. You used -, which is a hyphon, but I assume you want to use a dash, which is -- (in a word processor they join together). But you said its Canada so it might be different--kind of how the UK uses ' ' for quatations and Americans use " ".

[JJDancer]

Really really great PS. It would be awesome if you could edit mine (once I actually write it lol).

[qualk]

StillHere, those hyphons are dashes in Word. For some reason they changed when I copied and pasted. Thanks for the heads up though!

JJDancer: I really appreciate your comment! But was there anything you noticed that could be improved? I would be happy to edit your PS when you write it, just let me know when it's ready!

[JJDancer]

Honestly, nothing. I mean I'm sure it's one of those where if you pored over it for hours, you could tweak things but looks pretty polished to me. Definitely one of the better/best I have read.

[qualk]

Does anyone else have any criticism or feedback?

[qualk]

.